NHL Picks

Fridays guest hockey picks

This weekend my fellow writer Sugar decided to take a few days off and go golfing in North Carolina and maybe hunt some poor people or whatever white people do on vacations. Because of his sabbatical I am taking over his hockey picks for the next few days, but have no fear compared to Sugar this will be like Shakespeare filling in for Stephanie Myers (first Twilight shout out, but certainly not the last).

Ducks (+1.5) at Colorado (WINNER!)
Tonight you are all welcome to enjoy the Getzlaf show. This dude is gonna drop more stink bombs against the Lanche than Sidney Crosby would against the Bracebridge Phantoms. His effort should be able to keep this game close enough for everyone to enjoy the 1.5+ goal cover.

Calgary (+1.5) at Dallas (WINNER!)
The Stars are very emotional after losing a member of their team for the season after he dealt with some complications from issues related to an irregular heartbeat. Look for a very heavy-hearted Stars team to not quite play up to their potential and let the Flames hang around in this one and get the cover.

Edmonton at Detroit under 5.5 (WINNER!)
As a lifelong NHL fan (heavy sarcasm) it's always disappointing to see what has happened to one of the historic franchises in the sport, the Edmonton Oilers. Despite having a ton of top 1-4 draft picks in the last few years, the Oilers continue to remain near the bottom of the standings. What could they possibly do to improve and get on the same level as powerhouses Chicago, Detroit or even the Phoenix Yotes? Well lucky for you fellow writer Sugar has tackled this exact subject in his upcoming article to be released shortly. Tonight though look for a sloppy game from the Oilers and perpetually disappointing Red Wings as this suck fest ends in 1-0 snoozer. Seriously though if you had to choose the lesser of two evils would you rather watch a Red Wings game (snooze fest) or Kristin Stewarts sextape (fuckin gross). See I told you I would work another Twilight reference in there. By the way there is no K-stew sextape so don't waste your next twenty minutes trying to google it you nasty fucks.

San Jose (-1.5) at NY Islanders (WINNER!)
The Sharknado rolls again, and just like in the movie they will completely fluster the shit out of the Islanders or for reference sake we will just call them Tara Reid. Like Tara Reid the Islanders are gross, run-through, and look like they have an old catchers mitt where their face should be. Look for Patty Marleau to drop a couple of five hole stink bombs on the Islanders  rolling in to a 13-0 rout.