2014 FIFA World Cup Draft
The 2014 FIFA World Cup is nearly upon us and to spice things up, we did something totally American: a fantasy draft. Between the three of us here at Dirty Picks (BJ, Sugar, Catz) we ran through 5 rounds, picking a contender for the Cup. I would highly recommend this for pretty much any sporting event, but particularly for the World Cup, since most of us Americans suck at anything soccer related (Looking at you Landon...). The process is easy enough, get a few friends together, a case of Mike's Hard Lemonade and pick teams snake style. Place a nice wager (Chili's gift card, case of beer, sleep with a guys wife) and enjoy looking like a diehard soccer fan as you're suddenly watching the Nigeria's and Iran's in the world.Please keep in mind that we know just about NOTHING when it comes to soccer. Seriously, that's why we're doing this draft. It will make the World Cup twice as fun for any casual soccer fan. So don't bother trying to correct us. Here are the results of the 2014 Dirty Picks World Cup Draft:
(1) Brazil (CATZ)
GOAL!!!!!! GOAL!!!! Neymar scores another goal for the host country! You better get used to hearing these words, because they are absolutely going to dominate your summer. Neymar is a monster and participating in his first World Cup on his home turf!! It is the type of story that Hollywood pays people to write, and he gets to play it out in real life. If he takes Brazil all the way to a title, which I expect him to, he will be one of the greatest legends of soccer history and he will do what some of the recent greats (Messi, Ronaldo) have failed to do, albeit with a much more talented squad around him. Neymar is absolutely the reason, with the number one overall pick in our first annual Dirty Picks World Cup Fantasy Snake Draft, I had to go with Brazil to win the championship. Do not be surprised if this team does not even break a sweat until well in to the elimination stage, because no one in their group is going to touch them (Mexico, Cameroon, and Croatia!). So enjoy the summer of the Brazilians, because their women are hot as fuck and their soccer is even hotter! Neymar!! (2) Germany (SUGAR)
The question is where to start with ze Germans. The Germans basically have the Monstars from Space Jam on defense. They're huge, athletic, and don't give a fuck about you or your friends. Up front, the Germans have an arsenal of weapons, including, but certainly not limited to, Klose. The 35 year old is 3 goals shy of becoming the all time leader in World Cup goals.
In the first round we saw a lot of your typical World Cup teams being picked. I didn't have a chance to pick Brazil as they were the first team picked. However, I think Brazil is all talk and hope. They haven't been good since Ronaldinho got old and fat. Spain was tough to pass on as they are the defending champions. However, I don't like the idea of picking a repeat for the World Cup champions.
I selected Germany as my first pick (2nd overall in the 2014 draft class) because of three things: world class talent at every position, veteran leadership, and a culture of winning. Germany competes for World Cups consistently and I think they have as good of a shot as any at holding that funny looking trophy up when the dust settles in Brazil.
(3) Spain (BJ)
Wow, I could not believe Spain dropped to me at #3. I mean, Catz takes an underachieving but flashy Brazilian squad and Sugar takes Germany, a squad that might as well be the Spanish JV team! Let's see how these guys stack up: Spain, 2008 Euro Champions, 2010 World Cup Champions, 2012 Euro Champions. Germany: 2008 Euro Runner Up, 2010 World Cup third place, 2012 Euro Semi Finals. Need I say more? Let me just throw some names out to compliment the THIRD PICK in the draft: Xavi, Fabregas, Alonso, Mata, Villa, Costa, Silva, Ramos. That's not a law firm ladies and gents, that's the baddest group of motherfuckers in Brazil this year. Look for the Spaniards, the only team to three peat in international competition EVER, to roll again this year as they move towards a Decade of Dominance.4) Netherlands (BJ)
This pick was based on personal preference more than anything else. The Netherlands have some pretty disgusting talent on their squad, and at 25/1 could be a great value pick for any gambler out there. With new Manchester United manager Louis Van Gaal at the helm, the Oranje should march through Australia and Chile in group play. They will most likely wind up with Brazil in the second round and at that point, it's up to Robin Van Longschlongen Persie to lead the Dutch to victory. Couldn't be happier with this pick.
5) Belgium (SUGAR)
Belgium is in Group H which also consists of Algeria, Russia, and Korea. So basically, Belgium is a lock to win their group. The Belgians are led by veteran Vincent Kompany but their roster contains more depth than just one man. Eden Hazard, Nacer Chadli, and Steven Defour are just a couple of the big names you’ll see on the field for this national squad. This team flies under the radar for the most part. They don’t have the expectations put on them that Spain or Germany does, which just means less pressure.
In the second round there were a lot of teams still up for grabs. Argentina was still on the board, Columbia was still on the board, France was still there, and many other great teams. Belgium’s veteran leadership, high level of skill, and the fact that they’re a Western European national team all gave me confidence in selecting this club in the second round (5th overall).
6) Italy (CATZ)
With my spot moving to the bottom of the second round, I had to take a little bit of risk, and their are no bigger risk than the Italians! I mean if you look at this team from a historical standpoint they have everything you want; a rich history, tradition, and a couple of guys who know how to win at the highest level (2006 champs). They are also built around one of the most mercurial players in FIFA history in "Super" Mario Balotelli who controls the destiny of this Italian squad. The problem with Super Mario is that he one of the most talented strikers in the world, but plays the game with such raw emotion sometimes that it can get the best of him and he ends up hurting his team more than helping it. But if they get the right Mario to show up, they could ride him all the way to a championship game. Their group is definitely going to be a challenge for them because it features two South American team in Costa Rica and Uruguay who are both dangerous teams, and although its not the Enligsh team of old, the always dangerous Brits. If they can ride the combination of Buffon in goal stopping stinkbombs and Mario scoring them, this team has the talent to make a very deep run in this tournament, that is why I had to take them with my second selection.
Jumping right back into the mix, I accidentally took a squad that I did not know until later was in the same group as the team I picked immediately before them. Adding a little more piss to the oatmeal I found out that the best player for Uruguay, Luis Saurez, apparently had knee surgery a few weeks ago, and allegedly will be "good to go" by the time the cup starts. Well I am no doctor folks, but I would not hitch my tractor to this wagon if you know what I mean. Honestly this was a bad pick, especially with teams such as Argentina and Portugal still on the board! But with all of that being said, they do have two very talented players in Saurez and Diego Forlan (who is old as fuck) and if they can get anything out of them, I guess they have potential to make it out of their group? Seriously though folks, take the first two teams or the next two, go head and save yourself some trouble by skipping out on Uruguay. 8) Argentina (SUGAR)
As far as I’m concerned, snagging Argentina in the third round was an absolute steal. This is the national team of the one and only, Lionel Messi. Yes, Messi has been criticized for his poor performance while playing for his home country. But, the world is an ever changing place and I have confidence that will be a thing of the past. Argentina is a well-rounded South American squad that possesses world class speed and skill.
The third round saw some shake ups. I have every bit of confidence when I say: Argentina was the best selection in this round. They’re playing close to home, they’re one of the most talented teams in the world, and they got rid of their coked out coach from 4 years ago. Messi will be the best player in the world cup this time around.
9) France (BJ)
The French need to bounce back after embarrassing themselves at the last World Cup. If they can't get past Ecuador and Honduras in group play, they need to just fold it up and not play for 10 more years. What kind of team has a disagreement in the middle of the World Cup and then boycotts practice? The French may be the most emotional team in the Cup, but with Ribery, Benzema and Giroud, they should be able to score enough to bring some respect back to Les Bleus. At this point, it was either Portugal (probably should have went Portugal), England (next pick) or Colombia. As fellow writer and the man that drafted Colombia said, "Can you really see Colombia winning the World Cup?"See why I'm confident I will win this thing? 10) England (BJ)
I swear I'm not the Donald Sterling of the soccer world. I basically refused to take any non Euro team for some reason and when it comes down to it, my love of slow, old white athletes may be my downfall. England is the epitome of what I just described. I'm backing Wayne Rooney (remember when he was the hottest shit on the planet?) who hasn't scored in the Cup, Steven Garrard and Frank Lampard. Seriously, that talent should have worked 4 years ago, but now?! Maybe an infusion of young talent will help boost the English back to being a contender, but I'm a little skeptical.
11) Portugal (SUGAR)
Another absolute steal and brilliant draft pick from me. The best player on the planet in recent history, Cristiano Ronaldo, is the leader of the Portuguese. The only thing that could stop Ronaldo from setting this whole tournament on fire is the 15 girls he will undoubtedly be fornicating with nightly. If Ronaldo keeps his head on the prize (that’s the World Cup not Brazilian supermodels) I don’t see any reason they don’t have a serious shot.
The pickings started getting slim in the fourth round. If you weigh my Portugal pick against my fellow writer Bobcat’s fourth round pick (Ivory Coast), well… I think it speaks for itself. This was a great fourth round selection. The only obstacle in Portugal’s path is being in a group with Germany. The Germans will pose a serious challenge but if the Portuguese can defeat them, they will be holding that trophy up in no time.
12) Ivory Coast (CATZ)
You know once you get this deep in the draft, its not about picking teams that are likely to win, or even teams that have a decent shot to win, its about picking the teams you would like to see win. The Ivory Coast led by Didier Drogba is absolutely one of those teams for me. I have been a huge Drogba fan since the early days of playing the FIFA video game (and by early, I mean five years ago) and would love for the old Chelsea striker to be able to lead an African country to their first ever World Cup title (I did not even look this fact up, I just can not imagine one has ever done it right?). So do not waste your money betting on this team, instead root for them to pull off a couple of upsets in their group against Columbia and Greece and maybe even make it to the elimination round! Of course once they get there, they are going to be Spain's warm up for their eventual title run, but it would be a good story right??
13) USA (CATZ)
First off I just want to mention to all of our AMERICAN readers that I was the only writer here at DP that had enough patriotism to support our boys in blue. That alone should make me the most popular writer on the site, but no for some reason people love their damn hockey lists. But enough of my rambling, lets talk a little bit about American Football!! Alright sorry to do that to you, but seriously we have a soccer team in this thing folks! Yeah they are not very talented, nor do they have the reputation of almost any other team in the field besides maybe Algeria, but USA!!! USA!! Plus their new Nazi, I mean German coach created a little controversy by leaving off the only player that most people in the United States actually knew the name of! So good job there coach, hopefully he knows what the hell he is doing, because if not he is gonna get shipped back to Deustchland faster than I will be downing PBR's in a effort to actually watch the US play. Wouldn't it be awesome if we won though?? You think other countries hate us already? Imagine if we went out and won the one thing that all other countries care about way more than anybody here! I feel like we would absolutely enter immediately into WW3 against Germany, Russia, and probably Brazil. So yeah we probably are not going to win, but it has to happen eventually right? Why? Because this is 'Merica and 'Merica always wins eventually.14) Colombia (SUGAR)
Columbia is apparently a great team. I was completely unaware of this until we conducted this draft. I’ve always envisioned Columbia as a near third world country where cocaine is a common as bottled water in the US. Apparently they know a little something about soccer too though. Maybe it’s because all their guys are coked out of their minds, I have no idea. Nevertheless, this squad is ranked highly and with the World Cup taking place close to home, you have to think there’s at least a chance they could shock some people.
The fifth round was similar to shopping at Goodwill. You know what you want but you know you’re probably going to have to settle for a knock off. Columbia is like my knock off Argentina. I wasn’t about to pick the USA. They left Landon Donovan off their team so clearly some people at the US soccer headquarters are doing some serious drugs. So, let’s rail some lines of some good ole Columbian bam bam and cheer on this South American upset squad.
15) Switzerland (BJ)
Despite being ranked 8th in the FIFA rankings, the Swizzies might be the most erratic team in the tournament. They have beaten Germany, Croatia and Brazil in the last 2 years in friendly competition. Despite those great results, in the 2010 Cup, the Swizzlers were unable to get out of group competition. Oh and that was after beating eventual Champion Spain in their first game! I took the Swiss because there is a good chance that they bring their A game 5 games in a row and knock out one of Sugar's mediocre teams on the way.
FINAL ROSTERS
BJ: Spain, Netherlands, France, England, Switzerland
Catz: Brazil, Italy, Uruguay, Ivory Coast, USA
Sugar: Germany, Belgium, Argentina, Portugal, Colombia
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