How to Win Streak for the Cash

  It's been a solid two days and we have not mentioned America's past time! Not once! That's right, it's time to talk about ESPN's Streak for the Cash. It's like Jeopardy for people who aren't virgins; Gambling for people who eat Lunchables 3 times a day! It's the most American contest out there, and we'll be damned if we let some other assholes give you a solid L5 before we do!

  So what is an ideal day in the life of a modern Streaker? Well, it starts with a solid night of preparation! Make sure you text all your bros to determine what the best pick is for the next morning. It doesn't matter if you are on a W16, you HAVE to make a pick on the first event of the day. After that first pick hits, the streak is on. Now you will have 2-4 early afternoon choices. These will range from shitty tennis matches to soccer games in the middle of some God forsaken war zone. Just take a soccer match that has "Win or Draw" because, face it, no one knows shit about PK Daåkkénsteinener or who their famed striker Il Dávidovic is. Besides, as American's we know most soccer games end 0-0 anyways, right?

  Now you've got something going! Try to slide in a quick hitter for the afternoon. Something like "Paul George will dick slap under/over 8 people in the first half." That way, you're not sitting around for 3 hours waiting for a game to end. Grab the dick slaps and move on to your last pick of the night!

It's all a big cycle. With today's picks, you will have no problem beating the hell out of all the wannabe ESPN research analysts out there and hopping on your horse the next morning for 4-5 more.

Streak for the Cash, February 10, 2014

First pick: Men's Speed Skating (500m): Who will win the Gold Medal? (WINNER)

Choice 1: Mo Tae-Bum (KOR) or Michael Mulder (NED)

Choice 2: Any other competitor 

Look, we don't know the first thing about speed skating and that's fine. What we do know is, this is the Olympics, and generally, there are always 1-3 competitors that are far beyond the rest of the field. We also know that there will be a giant pile up, blood everywhere and lots of tears. So take the guy whose name sounds like a delicious drink and the very plain white man! W1

Second pick: Greek Super League (L)

Choice 1: Panionios Win or Draw

Choice 2: Aris Salonika

Assuming the speed skating is done in 4 hours, it's time to move on to the Greek Super League! That's right, this isn't that pussy ass Greek Mediocre at Best League, you're rollin with the big dawgs now! As usual, take the win and the draw, crank one out and come back when you have the W2 (unless you actually watch the Greek Super League...then please do enjoy the game)

Third pick: English Championship (L)
Choice 1: Athletic Bilbao Win 
Choice 2: Celta Vigo Win or Draw

You're betting against the Hobbit, but you know the drill, Win or Draw. Take Celta.

Fourth pick: NCB (Miami (FL) @ Florida State): How many players will score 5 or More points in the 1st Half? (Winner)
Choice 1: 6 or fewer
Choice 2: 7 or more

These two squads aren't exactly run & gun, get buckets all day erry day teams. 4 guys on the floor average double figures in points (all under 15). Take 6 or fewer and don't bother watching this boring ass game.

Final pick: NCB: Kansas @ Kansas St. (L)
Choice 1: Kansas

Choice 2: Kansas St.

Take the team that has the lottery picks. This will be a good game, but with Marvin Williams 2.0 (Wiggins) and first round bust Joel Embiid leading the way for Kansas, this one should be easy.

There you have it! A W5 to start your week. Remember, if you win the cash, you have to take us all to Vegas.