2014 FIFA World Cup

After Vegas let out a collective sigh last night due to Michael Bradley playing like a communist, we need to bounce back and take as much cash as we can get while we're still in group play. Today we will hit the over/under market and see what kind of poon we can pull in.

Australia vs Spain (UNDER 2.5) (L)
All you noobs out there are probably so confused right now. I know, Australia sucks at soccer. They basically have 1 professional player on their squad and a sweet nickname. That would seemingly open the door for defending champions, ESPAÑA to open the goal floodgates before they take their asses back to Europe. Well, Spain blows. I don't care how good they used to be and I don't care how pissed they are. You're not telling me that some pussy Europeans are going to be competitive and come out to destroy the Socceroos. This isn't a team of Michael Jordans, they're going to come out and sulk their way to a 2-0 win and leave immediately after the game.

Netherlands vs Chile (OVER 2.5) (L)
This is the real travesty of tomorrow. We have a game that will determine who gets to knock Brazil out of the tournament next round and the best player in the Cup isn't playing! That's right, Robin van Persie is out because he has 2 yellow cards (bullshit rule). Don't worry, both these teams have firepower and will manage to score at least 4 goals this game. It's all on you Arjen Robben.

Mexico (-120) vs. Croatia (WINNER!)

I'll tell you what, Javier Hernandez otherwise known as "Chicharito" was a huge disappointment to me in the FIFA video game. I signed him to my upstart German franchise Vunderwaffle (or something like that) for a transfer fee of 65 million! And then agreed to pay him 235,000 a game so that I could be reminded by the headlines that he hadn't scored a goal in 10 straight matches. I was heated, so I sold his ass and signed a real soccer player Neymar! What does Catz extensive video game "research" have to do with picking Mexico against Croatia? Absolutely nothing at all, Mexico wins this game straight up.

Brazil (-2.5) vs. Cameroon (WINNER!)

This game is such a lock that if they were offering a line higher than -2.5 I would still take it. Honestly you could probably talk me into taking -4 or even -6 after a few more scoops of c4. Either way, Brazil definitely wins this game after a poor showing against Mexico, so take the money line, or if you have a pair see how many goals you can take away because this one might end 7-0.