Champions League of Legends

PSG (-1) vs. APOEL

While Zlatan is still out for PSG in this one, luckily they get to square off against an acronym that I thought was associated more with oil than playing soccer. Turns out for the first time ever, I was wrong. Plus PSG just beat Barcelona last time out and are currently leading the group!! They won't let this opportunity slip away, look for a huge push in the first forty minutes as they go up to 2-0 and then play keep away for the last 50 minutes and hang on for the win.

AS ROMA ( +320) vs. BAYERN MUNICH

OH SHIT!!!! This is a deep pull right here that I can feel in my nether regions (maybe I should have that checked). Roma came into this tournament as everyone's sleeper pick and haven't quite lived up to the hype. Meanwhile Bayern has been nothing short of dominate this entire tournament, and Neuer hasn't even allowed a goal yet. So even after all of that, why the hell would I pick Roma not only to cover, but to straight up win?? Because this is the Super Bowl for Roma, sure they are only halfway through group play and can definitely turn things around in the next three matches, but wouldn't this be a great start?? With this win and a couple of draws they could sneak in and see themselves playing in the round of sixteen. This is basically the little giants playing the 'boys in the classic 90's movie of the same name. This time ROMA is the ICEBOX and Bayern is the annexation of Puerto Rico!! What the hell does that mean? No clue, but it allows us to use a football picture for a soccer article (layers of jokes people, keep up). ROMA WINS THIS GAME STRAIGHT THE FUCK UP AT 2-1 or 1-0.

BARCA vs. AJAX (+2.5)

Well after that suicidal bet I better go with something safe to fall back on for the third pick right? Fuck no. Barca has a habit of taking lesser teams lightly and while they will absolutely win this game. I will be very surprised if they cover the 2.5. More likely they are gonna get first half goals from Neymar and Messi and then spend the second half taking pictures and trying to find Neymar because he's banging cheerleaders (does soccer have cheerleaders?) in the locker room. Ajax does just enough to keep this one 2-0 or 3-1.

Champion's League

Champion's League

PSG vs. Barcelona ML (-110)

Originally I wanted to pick this game as a draw because PSG has the talent and experience to force a draw, then I did a little research and found out that gum dribbling extraordinaire Zlatan Ibrahimovic was ruled out last night after failing a fitness test!! No way Barca loses this game now, take the ML on Barca and watch them get an easy 3 or 4-0 type victory. 

Bayern (-1.5) vs. CSKA Moscow

Betting against Bayern, is like betting on the Washington Generals...its just a dumb move. Not saying that soccer games are fixed (though some are) but every time Bayern plays it seems like they are able to get the victory, despite the fact that my fellow writer Sugar told me this morning that 98% of all soccer games in the world end in a draw. I haven't actually double checked that fact, but he's a smart fella so I'm gonna roll with it. Luckily for Bayern, they seem to be in that other 2%, and why wouldn't they be? This team is loaded with talent from top to bottom and feature some of the best players in the world not named Ronaldo or Messi. Bayern pours it on early with 2 goals and then "parks the bus" for an easy 2-0 win.

Man City vs. Roma (+1, -130)

Since the new FIFA 15 came out, one of the biggest things I have noticed about playing online is that a lot more people are using Manchester City than in years past. This is mostly in part to their recent success in the premier league, but their ratings have increased across the board, and they deserve the extra online love. What does that have to do with this game? Nothing at all, Roma keeps it close and either pulls the draw or wins this one outright.

Chelsea (-1, +140) vs. Sporting Lisbon

I swear I thought this line was a mistake when I first read it, and usually when I say that I end up getting crushed, but I don't see how Lisbon is going to keep this game close. The main line only has Chelsea -1/2!! I feel so confident I'm taking the alternate line of -1 with the higher payout of +140. This one is about as solid as anything on the board, which means Lisbon pulls a 0-0 draw somehow, so be careful.

Tuezday Morning Munchdown!

Capitol One Cup

Liverpool vs Middlesbrough (+1)

If you got some real ballz, you're taking Middlesbrough straight up here. They are on fire recently and are coming in with a ton of momentum against a depleted and rattled Liverpool. The Reds will be relying on their bench as Sturridge and a less than super Mario will be out for this game. Couple that with the fact that Liverpool probably doesn't care about the Cap One Cup as much as the Leaping Toads (assuming that's Middlesbrough's mascot) and you've got a recipe for disaster! The Toads take this one over the Reds 2-1 as Gerrard and Lambert struggle to make it up and down the field in their old age.

Catz's Pre-FIFA Filth Pick

Real Madrid (-3, +130) vs. Elche CF

While actual soccer happens, an ocean away... I will be holed up in my living room playing the latest edition of FIFA for the XBONE!! While I am busy dropping stink bombs from deep as one half of the notorious online Co-Op team Dirty Kicks, the real Los Blancos will be doing the same on the pitch! Sure they have been a little underwhelming at times, and their owner definitely should have thought more about adding defense, rather than adding another forward to the mix this past transfer window, but all in all its still Real. Still lead by the BBC, and today the BBC is bringing the wood! Or the foot, I don't know what Europeans say, but what I do know is that this game is going to be a route. So take the alternate line, and win yourself a nice little chunk of change that you can use to buy yourself FIFA 15 and challenge the greatest co-op team of all time!!

Sugar's Lab Concocted Baseball Picks!

NY Mets @ Washington Natty Ice -1.5 (+130)

Seattle (-168) @ Toronto 

Chicago White Sox @ Detroit -1.5 (-140)

Pittsburgh (-114) @ Atlanta

Champion's League

Alright, alright, alright..while us 'mericans wait for the real football to start up again, I figured I would do our international readers a solid by handing out some locks for the start of the Champions League group play!! While the huge showdown between Man City and Bayern Munich isn't until tomorrow, there are definitely some worthwhile games to watch and win money on today!

Benfica vs. Zenit (+1/2, -120)
All you need to know about this game is that Zenit has Hulk and Russian goalie Igor Akinfeev in net...those two should be enough to keep this game close and ultimately pull out either a draw or victory for Zenit as they start group play!

Borussia-Dortmund vs Arsenal (+1/2, -105)
I know that B dub is a decent squad, but I am honestly surprised Arsenal is not favored to win this game, more than likely this one ends in a draw so be smart and take the points.

Liverpool (-2, -115) vs. Ludogorets
This is one of those classic mismatches in the Champions League, like a 1 seed vs. a 16 seed during March Madness for all of the American readers out there, don't overthink this one, Liverpool is way too talented to win this game by anything less than two goals.

Real Madrid (-2.5, +105) vs. FC Basel
I know Ronaldo is reportedly pissed off at upper management and counting the days until his departure back to Man U....but even with a sullen Ronaldo, Los Blancos could easily win this game 4 or 5 to 0.

Turrible Tuesday

I know what your first thought is when you take a look at these picks....what kind of a grown man goes around calling himself Bobby Catz??? Well come off it for a second and turn your focus back to losing next months rent payment on Euro qualifiers.

Wales (-2, -115) vs. Andorra (L)

Is Andorra seriously a country? Not to rag on the people from Andorra, but why the hell would you ever live in a place that 99% of civilization couldn't locate on a map? Well the people of Andorra are about to become very familiar with the Welsh Jesus aka Gareth Bale. Look for the Los Blancos striker to put on a clinic scoring at least 2 goals by himself and setting up countless chances for his mates, Wales knows they need the easy ones to have a shot at the Euro's and will take care of business today.

Netherlands (-1/2, -120) vs. Czech Republic (L)

The only game on this list that actually scares me a little bit. The Czech's are a good squad with some quality players that had a good showing at this past summers World Cup. You know who had a better World Cup though? The wooden shoes, weed smokin Oranje. Look for the Dutch to go up early and hold on for a 1-0 victory.

Italy (-1/2, -125) vs. Norway (WINNER!)

The Italians are notorious for playing down to their competition and this line undoubtedly suggests that Vegas expects them to do exactly that today. However if Ballotelli gets going early this could be a very long day for the Norwegians. I think Ballotelli nearly misses a goal in the first five minutes and then actually tries for the next 85 minutes scoring at least 3 goals against the hapless defenders from Norway.

Sugar's Big Ass Bases!

It's 11am here on the East Coast and I'm being told I need to get my picks in.  Apparently at some point in the last 2 days punctuality has become a pillar of our foundation here at DP.  I must have missed the meeting or, more likely, was just left out off the email recipient list for the memo. There's a lot of behind the scenes nonsense here; lots of secret xbox live meetings.  Nevertheless, since I am a punctual person by nature, I really don't have a problem with our new way of bidness.  

Since we are now fully submersed in football season I'm going to do my best to make you degenerate's a few extra dollars with some baseball lockz, that way you'll have more money to lose this Sunday making stupid bets on your favorite NFL team. 

Pittsburgh @ Philadelphia Phillies (+115)  (WINNER!)

Atlanta Braves (+130) @ Washington Natty Lights (L)

Kansas City @ Detroit (-180) (WINNER!)

LA Angels (-145) @ Texas Rangers (WINNER!)

Hump Day Lockdown

Washington Natty Ice (-1.5; EVEN) @ Philadelphia 

Doug Fister (12-4 2.38 ERA) is back on the mound for Washington tonight. He's been as solid as anyone in the league this year. I don't expect the Philies to do anything crazy tonight. The Nattys should definitely win this one by at least 2 runs. 

NY Yankees @ Detroit Tigers (-185)

Porcello shut the Yanks down last night and I fully expect Price to follow suit. The Tigers need every win they can get right now. Somehow the best roster in baseball is on the cusp of missing playoffs and has guys with names like Buck Farmer holding a regular spot in the starting rotation. Detroit should get a much needed win tonight. 

LA Dodgers (-1.5; -125) @ Arizona 

Clayton Kershaw shouldn't have a problem shutting down the Arizona Dbags.

Monday Freak Fest Picks

Catz's Monday Soccer Bangout!

Real Madrid (1st Half, -1.5, +115) vs. Cordoba (L)
That’s right gentlemen and hopefully ladies, your boy Catz is on quite the heater right now. I don’t have the official numbers, but let’s just say I’ve been hotter than a couple of ASU co-eds at an outdoor rave rolling on E lately! And staying true to form, whenever I go on a solid run I throw down a bunch of ridiculous bets that are sure to go wrong! However, after all that is said I still like Real to win this game big, and that’s pretty obvious right? Well do yourself a favor and bet on Los Blancos to go up huge by the end of the first half! That’s right I’m throwing down Real -1.5 at the break!! I’m  thinking a couple of Gareth Bale goals in this first thirty minutes should put this game away early and cover this spread!

Man City vs. Liverpool (DRAW +290) (L)
THIS IS AN EXCITING GAME! If you couldn’t tell by the previous sentence, I am pretty excited for this game. The two top teams from the Premier League square off tonight in a feature matchup. While Man City is basically the same team with more depth, Liverpool is very different with star striker Luis Suarez currently taking up residence in Barcelona. However, I think that LPool has the swagger and the confidence to show that they were not just a one man team last season! This should be a very exciting game that will showcase for Super Mario Balotelli the type of talent he gets to play with whenever they finish his transfer from Milan. Look for Liverpool to go up 2-1 in this game, only to have the victory stolen from them at the last moment by a Yaya Toure stinkbomb in the top right corner of the goal! That’s right; I’m not only giving you the winning pick (at +290 no less!!!) I am also pulling a Babe Ruth and calling my shot, or their shot on how it
 is gonna happen! Fun ass game to watch, if you get the chance or live in Britain check this shit out.

Rayo Vallencano vs. Atletico Madrid (-1, -120) (L)
The classic hangover game for Atletico? Fresh off their 1-0 pasting of Real in the Super Copa means that this is a perfect letdown game for Atleti to play to a 1-1 draw right?? Well if that is how you think, then come off it!! Champions don’t have let down games, you think the ’69 Jets would beat the Raiders and then lose to the Dolphins?? Again, come the fuck off it! Atletico wins this game huge as they attempt to repeat their miraculous run last season.

Sugar's Super Sweet MLB Picks

Washington Natty Ice (-150) @ Philadelphia Phillies (L) 

Roark (12-7 2.80 ERA) takes the mound tonight for the Nattys in what I expect to be an easy road win. Washington has almost 20 more wins than the Phillies this year and they've scored 20 runs in the last 2 games. 

Saint Louis Cardinals (+115) @ Pittsburgh (WINNER!)

With Lackey starting for the Cards I don't see any reason not to make some money here. Lackey's 12-8 with a 3.88 ERA while Liriano limps in with a 3-10 record and a 4.18 ERA. Do you like money? 

Miami Marlins @ LA Angels (-1.5 +120) (L)

Another easy money pick if you ask me. LA's been looking like the '02 Red Wings lately. They're one of the best teams in baseball right now. Miami's just a couple o'guys from Florida bout to get stomped out.

Friday Grab Bag

SOCCER PICKS

Evian TG v Paris Saint-Germain (-1.5, +120)  (L)
2 games, 9 goals. Yeah, Evian has struggle thus far to say the least. They face off against a Zlatan-less PSG squad that have not exactly lit it up this season. They should be able to bounce back against Evian, despite the fact they lost 2-0 (the field was basically a hockey rink) last year. Lavezzi and Cavani are going to bang these boys out hard to the tune of 4-0.

Bayern Munich (-1 1H, +120 v Wolfsburg)  (P)
Bayern looks to defend and win their third consecutive league as they tangle with Wolfsburg! Despite having a sweet name, Wolfsburg really isn't about shit. Arjen Robben is going to murder this team! 3-1 easily! Parlay this shit with something else!

Atletico Madrid v Real Madrid (-.5, EVEN) (L)

This is the game of the day! I am all in with Atletico, but I just CAN'T do it! I believe Atletico has a great chance to win and continue to be a thorn in Real's side, but look at all the talent on the other side of the field. Ronaldo looks injured or just off, so this game is all about JAYAMUSSSS Rodriguez and Benzema! If James can once again bang one home for Real, the Super Cup will be theirs. Talent SHOULD win out here, despite Atleti having the slight advantage after a draw earlier this week. Ride with James and hope Ronaldo can show up and be 50%; Let's remember .5 Ronaldo's = 2 Men, the numbers don't lie and they spell disaster for Atletico in the Super Cup!!

NFL Preseason Picks

Tons of preseason action as the full three quarter dress rehearsal that is week three kicks off tonight!! I know the preseason doesn't really mean shit in the end, but if you want to have a good idea of how your team is going to do, then check out tonight's action.

NYJ (-1) at NYG  (L)

The word on the streets right now is that Eli Manning looks disinterested in camp and is struggling to learn the new offense. I'm sure that this is not even remotely close to the truth, and what people are interpreting as disinterest from Eli is just actually his stupid fucking face. Nevertheless do you really want to hear these kind of reports two weeks before the season is going to kick off? This whole Tom Coughlin experiment has run its course, I know he's won two Super Bowls, but he has to get fired sometime right? Look for the Jets to take the Metlife Snoopy Cup Trophy Challenge way too seriously as they come out and lay the wood and at least for one night own New York like they should. Also Vick is a former all pro who gets to play against backups late in this game, that should be enough to swing this one for the J-E-T-S.

Oakland at Green Bay (-7) (WINNER!)

Good God the Raiders are in for a long season, but then again it's been a pretty long decade for them. Well if you think this is going to be the point where they turn everything around and become a good franchise....oh hey Aaron Rodgers! Oh Rodgers may not play very long and their back-up is Matt Flynn who kills in this system?? Well by golly that is just fantastic news! Look for the Pack to come out firing on all cylinders as they get contributions on offense, defense, special teams and put this one away early.

Jacksonville (+3) at Detroit (WINNER!)

You know, I am starting to think I may have to eat crow (such an old white guy expression) on this whole Blake Bortles being a bust thing. I know that it is only the preseason and even guys like Ryan Leaf looked good during the preseason. What a second I just reread that last line, Leaf actually looked pretty good during his first preseason and he ended up spectacularly busting, so maybe there is still time Bortles!! Either way I expect Blake to keep up his solid level of play and do not be surprised if Captain Checkdown aka Chad Henne gets pulled after the first quarter in this one, leaving young Borts to run amok against the Lion backups for three quarters. Also the Lions are a mess, with all the talent they have they should win 12 games a year, not six. I mean could you imagine if a good QB had Calvin Johnson to throw to 15 times a game?? Shots fired Stafford fan club!!

MLB Picks

San Fran Giants @ Washington Natty Ice (-153) (WINNER!)

Former Tigers' starter Doug Fister takes the mound for the Ice tonight looking to build upon his 12-3 record. Nothing special here I just don't think Washington loses this one. 

Chicago White Sox @ NY Yanks (-188) (WINNER!)

It seems like the Yankees don't lose much at home. I wouldn't expect a team like Chicago to come in and fuck anything up. 

Atlanta (-107) @ Cinci  (L)

ATL has been on a heater lately. Take this pick with a grain of salt because the Braves always seem to fuck me good whenever I put some money on them winning.

Catz's Rando Soccer Hitz

Lille vs. Porto (-105, P)

A couple of dirty picks coming to you today from the Champions League! Perennial contenders FC Porto travel to France in order to take on the host squad Lille. Basically, both of these teams are terrible on offense, but Lille is even worse than you can imagine. Don’t expect either of these teams to score very many goals as Porto should roll here 2-0 or 1-0 in the first leg.

Celtic (+135, ML) vs. Maribor (L)
You know how some people like to go with the new hot thing? Like the old guy who chases the first 19 year old who smiles in his direction? Well I am not one of those guys. I prefer to go with the old standard rather than chase the new flashy object. In this example Maribor is the 19 year old skank, while Celtic is more of a Peanut butter and jelly. One might be more appealing than the other, but at least you know what you are getting with the other. Celtic should roll in this one.

Zenit (-110, ML) vs. Standard Liege (WINNER!)
One of my favorite sleeper teams to play with or pillage in FIFA!! Zenit is the Russian Manchester United as they go out and spend money on players and don’t have any regrets about doing so. With notable players like Andray Arshavin, Danny, Axel Witsel, and the incomparable HULK!!! Seriously this team has Hulk, that should be enough.

Saturday Shootout Picks!

English Premier League

Arsenal (-1.5) v Crystal Palace (OVER 2.5)  (L, WINNER!)
All you need to know here is that Crystal Palace's manager walked out on the team yesterday. Yeah. On the eve of their Premier League opener, he had seen enough! Well, Arsenal is not a powerhouse per se, but they definitely have the talent to win this thing 3-1 or 3-0. Buy in on this one, because it's a gimme. Look for a big game from Alexís Sanchez.

Major League Soccer

Seattle (P, +150) v Real Salt Lake (L)
The Pick 'em is easy here as Seattle has the talent to go into RSL and win the game. History shows that tonight's result will probably favor RSL,  but both teams have been great this year and the Sounders beat the shit out of these Mormon assholes 4-0 in Seattle. Dempsey and Martin's should be able to break lose for a goal apiece en route to a Sounders win 2-1.

Major League Baseball

Seattle (-110) at Detroit (BONUS: F5 Under 3.5 (-150) (L) (WINNER!)
Assuming this game is played, the Mariners have been on fire recently and with King Felix on the mound, I don't see that ending any time soon. The downward trending Tigers have lost their mojo and are hoping David Price can help them out today. Take that first 5 under and the Mariners for guaranteed money as King Felix pitches a no hitter.

National Football League

NYJ vs.  CIN (-3) (L)
MIA (+3, -125) vs. TAMPA BAY (WINNER!)
Well if this isn’t just strange. Picking against my favorite team and picking in favor of my most hated team! I never thought I would live to see the day where I would actually feel comfortable backing the Dolphins, but you know what they did not look half bad last game. Tannehill looked like a competent QB and extended playing time in this game should only increase his opportunities to impress. This is not saying you should throw the house on the Dolphins over for the upcoming season, because I still have strong doubts about their running game and coverage game. However, they should be able to get a jump on the Bucs and steal this game down in Tampa. Also I am only going against the Jets because Taj Boyd is going to play most of the second half and he has looked absolutely terrible so far in camp. He is really only getting the opportunity to play so that he has some tape to show other teams after he gets cut next week. Do not be surprised if he throws 3-4 picks and this one gets out of hand for Gang Green.

Super Cup

Real Madrid (-1.5, +110) vs Sevilla over 3 goals (-155) (WINNER, L)

Soccer is back!!! Even better, the new and improved Real Madrid takes the field tonight looking to add some hardware to their collection before the season gets in to full swing in a couple of weeks. I know what you are asking yourself, but how can you call Real Madrid new and improved? I mean isn’t this the team that features Gareth Bale, Cristiano Ronaldo and Karim Benzema up front in their attack?? It sure is, and the rich got richer by signing World Cup sensations Toni Kroos and HUMMUS (James) Rodriguez, who are scheduled to make their debut with Los Blancos today! And what a perfect team to showcase all of their newly acquired talent in La Liga rival Sevilla, but this is not the same Sevilla team that earned the right to play in this game. This team is not nearly as good as the one they trotted out six months ago, but the fact that they are familiar with Real means this one shouldn’t be a complete blowout. Don’t let that stop you from betting the house though, all indications are Real is solely focused on winning this cup and getting the season off to a solid start. Look for goals from HUMMUS and Ronaldo as Real easily cruises to a 4-1 or 5-0 type victory. 

Sunday Final Funday

2014 World Cup Final

Germany (+120) vs Argentina (WINNER!)

Sugar: Here it is folks; the moment we’ve all been waiting for.  If you take a peak back to the Dirty Picks World Cup Draft you’ll notice one thing: both of these teams were selected by yours truly.  Germany was my first pick (2^ndoverall), while Argentina (after dropping significantly in the draft) I picked up with my third pick (8^th overall). You’ve watched the games up to this point right? What do you think is going to happen?  Just in case you’re one of those assholes that didn’t watch a minute of World Cup action until the final game today, I’ll tell you what is going to happen: Germany is going to roll through Argentina like the ’39 Nazi’s rolled through Poland. This German squad, like I said a month ago, is loaded from back to front with world class talent.  They’re mean, they’re skilled, and they don’t give a fuck.  Because this is the final game and the World Cup is on the line I won’t entirely count out Argentina.  The positive side of ‘Tina is that they are the most skilled offensive team since the 2002 Red Wings.  On paper these bastards should be able to score 9 goals a game.  But guess what? It hasn’t happened yet and it sure as hell ain’t happening against the Germans today.  The saying goes, “Defense wins championships”.  Well, the Germans have the best defense in the world right now combined with one of the best offenses as well.  Basically, all of this boils down to one thing: Germany shit kicking Argentina in front of the entire soccer world.  It’s Germany’s time ladies and gentlemen.  After all, being World Cup Champions is the only thing they have left to go for after losing back to back World Wars.  So slam a beer or two, tune in and witness the 2014 World Cup Champions claim their trophy, and thank God for your grandparents’ ability to kick some serious ass when called upon.  #murica 

Sunday MLB Picks

PIT @ CIN (-160)  (WINNER!)

-160 seems a little nutz here considering the Pirates are going to keep this close, but I see no way the Reds lose tomorrow. Besides baseball's only black baseball player and reigning NL MVP Andrew McCutchen, the Pirates haven't had a ton of success against the Reds who have been hot over the last month. Most of my picks are just safe and parlayable if you're into that kind of thing. This is one of those picks.

Detroit Tigers (-135) vs Kansas City Royals (L)
I'm sure a lot of you sports betters on are the "Verlander's washed" up train.  This one is not on board.  I don't think Verlander's issue is physical so much as it is mental.  He slumped this year there's no doubt about that.  But I can also say that he has looked better the last couple starts he's had.  This is either a sign that he's coming back around or it's just a blip on the radar in the world of Justin Verlander's unravelling.  Nevertheless, if Verlander steps in and starts getting rocked he will be out before he knows it.  The Tigers have shown they have the bats to come from behind and win so I'm not too worried.  Tigers roll tonight and keep the streak going. 

NBA Summer League 

Since most of you reading this are going to be looking for easy ways to win back your money after Argentina shocks Germany in the World Cup this afternoon, I figured I would toss you a couple of summer league locks.

CAVS vs. SPURS (-2.5) (L)

This choice is very simple, one of these teams has a future NBA All-star and the other is based in Ohio. That's right, don't let all of this Andrew Wiggins hype fool you, the real star here is Kyle Anderson running the show for the Spurs. Look for him to drop his usual 9 pts, 8 rebs, and 7 assist kind of night as the Spurs try to beat LeBron's team once more this summer.

BULLS vs. Nuggets (+2.5) (L)

Did you see the highlights of Garry Harris dropping thirty last night? This dude looks madder than 2 billy goats in a turf battle that he got drafted so late to the Nuggets and is putting the rest of the league on notice. Sure the Bulls summer league team probably plays great defense and takes this game a little too seriously, but I am not quite ready to back McBuckets against the rising Gary Harris.

World Cup Semis

Germany (-105) vs Brazil (UNDER 2.5)

Unfortunately the World Cup is almost over, leaving us with another 3.9 years to flush soccer out our heads. Luckily, the final four teams of the 2014 Cup are legit bad asses. We have Brazil, the host team and favorite to win the tourney. Germany, a top 3 team in the world that was a heavy favorite going in. Argentina, led by possibly the best player of the last decade (also heavily favored) and the Netherlands, a team that finished as the runner up in the 2010 Cup. 

Unfortunately for Brazilians and fans of the game in general, Neymar, the only player that has lived up to and exceeded expectations for Brazil, is DONE. This truly does suck for the young, insanely talented hair style aficionado. He was dominating the Cup, playing with flash and poise and basically guaranteed himself a ginormous amount of endorsement money. Now, Brazil is fucked. Without Neymar penetrating the box like a young Lexington Steele, the hometown squad has no engine, no boost, nothing. Hulk is garbage, Silva is out and their keeper plays in the MLS. Look for Germany to come out with poise and a business-like attitude as they send the Brazilian crowd into a riot with their insane possession ration and about 5,000 passes. Later Brazil! You weren't that good to begin with!

2014 World Cup Picks

France vs Nigeria (Over 2.5) (WINNER!)

I was gunshy on any other pick for this game. The French attack should dominate and lead to a 3-0 lead, but the Nigerian's have been steady in this tournament. They might control the ball enough to hold Benzema and the Boys to 2 goals, while getting a fluke goal on their own, so if anything, take Nigeria +1.5,  let's just not make that official. This has been a remarkable turnaround for Les Bleus since last World Cup, let's see if they can keep riding the momentum in the quarter finals. 

World Cup 2014

Netherlands (EVEN) vs Mexico (OVER 2.5) (WINNERx2!)

Well here we are. The round of 16 kicked off with Bobby Catz splitting day one, but the big Beej is here to clean up the leftovers. Today starts off with a great game, featuring one always overachieving, fun, star studded offense focused squad, versus the overachieving Mexicans. Now the Dutch have been my favorite team to watch this year and maybe of the last 12 years! Who doesn't love Ruud Van Nistlerooy? But, because the gambling gods, God himself and possible the gods from Game of Thrones all hate me, Mexico (the team I dislike the most) gets to knock the Netherlands out of the tournament. "Hey guy, your pick says to take the Netherlands?" Yeah I know! Because the Netherlands should send these assholes back to North America compliments of a 5-0 ass kicking. I'm just letting you know that through some Karmic reaction, I am being punished and that there is a good chance Mexico wins in the most stunning fashion possible. Now if you have no vested interest in this game, go ahead and just roll the over, don't let my personal issues ruin your day. 

 Now, if the Karma gods take the day off tomorrow, RVP and Arjen Robben should put on a BRILLIANT showing of football. The Netherlands back line is shaky indeed, so I expect Mexico to score at least once. Take the 2-1 Netherlands win and let's just hope for all our sakes we don't have to watch Mexico again. 

Costa Rica (ML +145) vs Greece

Hold on, there is no way this is actually a knockout stage match that involves Greece...double checking...wow you know what I guess that's correct. Well take Costa Rica here as they beat Spain, and Greece hasn't beaten anyone of any note.

FIFA World Cup

NIGERIA (+1, +130) vs. Argentina (P)
I know what you are thinking. Well, it happened, Catz finally lost his goddamn mind. I mean thats the only way to explain why I would take the Nigerians against Argentina and Lionel Messi right?? Well hold on just a second there. Take a second look at this little match up and maybe things are not as clear as they seem to be. Sure Argentina is good, but are they a great team? No. Are they going to win this tournament or even get past the first stage of the knockout round? Probably not. Plus they are literally one miracle goal from the mini magician away from being tied with the Nigerians at four points atop of a group F. Nigeria is going to come out ready to play in this game today and I will not be shocked if they end up winning 1-0, or pulling a 1-1 draw. Nigeria is not that bad, and Argentina is not that good. Add those both together and you have a recipe for a solid bet. Plus if you are feeling extra ballsy today, take the ML (+750) on Nigeria and just hope that Messi gets very few touches this morning.


IRAN vs. Bosnia Herzegovina (P, -190) (WINNER!)

Bosnia has to win one game in their World Cup debut right?? I mean this team is not that bad. They are definitely better than Iran, and Iran almost pulled a draw with Argentina! So take Bosnia here and watch Edin Dzeko score a couple of goals for them as they leave Brazil feeling proud of a 2-0 victory over Iran.

HONDURAS (+1, +130) vs. Switzerland (L)

Here is the only thing that you need to know about this Swiss in this game. They do not score very many goals. Their style is much more defensive, and the only time they even attempt to score is during counter-attacks that attempt to exploit 3 on 2 type scenarios. DO not be surprised if this game ends in a 0-0 draw which would get you the win with this bet. Seriously though I took control over the Swiss in FIFA 14 Manager mode and was pissed after we scored maybe 2 goals in 8 matches during WC qualifying. Do not trust the Swiss to score and if you do not bet on the ML's, take the under, even it is 1.5.

ECUADOR vs France (-1/2, -170) (L)

For some reason, the French are actually good in this tournament despite not having their best player in Ribery. Sure, having a world class striker like Benzema helps anyone be relative, but they have really performed considering the lack of expectations coming in. Do not get me wrong, Ecuador is not a bad team at all and this game should definitely be close. But, unlike the last World Cup, the French actually showed up for this one and will finish off their group with another win as they move on to the knockout stage. This one ends up 3-1 with a couple of late scores from Benzema.

FIFA 2014 World Cup

Japan vs Columbia (-125) (WINNER!)

Columbia has been solid through 2 games. Even though Japan possesses the timeless, reliable, and value holding Honda; I think they lose this one. The Colombians get way too fucking pumped up after every goal which seems to give them even more momentum. Japanese people are honorable and quiet, I don't imagine they will handle the Colombians dancing all over the field and going ape shit over a goal very well. 

Greece vs Ivory Coast (UNDER 2.5; -120)  (L)

I see this as being a 1-0 Ivory Coast win. There's not an abundance of offensive talent on the pitch for either side. It should be a sloppy, boring game with lots of mistakes and missed opportunities. Regardless, it should go under.

2014 FIFA World Cup

After Vegas let out a collective sigh last night due to Michael Bradley playing like a communist, we need to bounce back and take as much cash as we can get while we're still in group play. Today we will hit the over/under market and see what kind of poon we can pull in.

Australia vs Spain (UNDER 2.5) (L)
All you noobs out there are probably so confused right now. I know, Australia sucks at soccer. They basically have 1 professional player on their squad and a sweet nickname. That would seemingly open the door for defending champions, ESPAÑA to open the goal floodgates before they take their asses back to Europe. Well, Spain blows. I don't care how good they used to be and I don't care how pissed they are. You're not telling me that some pussy Europeans are going to be competitive and come out to destroy the Socceroos. This isn't a team of Michael Jordans, they're going to come out and sulk their way to a 2-0 win and leave immediately after the game.

Netherlands vs Chile (OVER 2.5) (L)
This is the real travesty of tomorrow. We have a game that will determine who gets to knock Brazil out of the tournament next round and the best player in the Cup isn't playing! That's right, Robin van Persie is out because he has 2 yellow cards (bullshit rule). Don't worry, both these teams have firepower and will manage to score at least 4 goals this game. It's all on you Arjen Robben.

Mexico (-120) vs. Croatia (WINNER!)

I'll tell you what, Javier Hernandez otherwise known as "Chicharito" was a huge disappointment to me in the FIFA video game. I signed him to my upstart German franchise Vunderwaffle (or something like that) for a transfer fee of 65 million! And then agreed to pay him 235,000 a game so that I could be reminded by the headlines that he hadn't scored a goal in 10 straight matches. I was heated, so I sold his ass and signed a real soccer player Neymar! What does Catz extensive video game "research" have to do with picking Mexico against Croatia? Absolutely nothing at all, Mexico wins this game straight up.

Brazil (-2.5) vs. Cameroon (WINNER!)

This game is such a lock that if they were offering a line higher than -2.5 I would still take it. Honestly you could probably talk me into taking -4 or even -6 after a few more scoops of c4. Either way, Brazil definitely wins this game after a poor showing against Mexico, so take the money line, or if you have a pair see how many goals you can take away because this one might end 7-0.

World Cup

2014 World Cup Picks

Group H

Belgium (-1) (-185) vs. Algeria

Catz: The Belgium men's national soccer team makes their Brazil debut today as they take on a country apparently called "Algeria". What I thought was an allergy medicine is actually a team that participates in the World Cup; instead of known countries like China or India. Either way it does not really matter what "eria" the Belgians are playing today because this team is gonna roll. They are very talented and led by stand out players Vincent Kompany and Eden Hazard. Belgium went second in our World Cup fantasy snake draft and no one even questioned the decision. Don't be surprised if everyone is talking about Belgium today after they win this one convincingly, 4-0!

Russia (-140) vs South Korea (Over 2)

BJ: Do I know anything about these two teams? Of course I do! Russia is the better team here folks, there's not much to it. I expect a 2-1 or 3-1 victory from the Putin All-Stars. I also expect all of their players to look like Ivan Drago from Rocky, and if you've seen that man, then you know exactly why I've picked them to destroy the tiny South Korean team. CSKA Moscow midfield Alan Dzagoev should be on the board within minutes, so go pour yourself a nice vodka cran, step outside and smell the freedom.

2014 World Cup

WORLD CUP MADNESS!!!!

BJ's Picks
Germany (-.5) vs Portugal (OVER 2.5) (WINNERx2!)

I've been looking forward to this game! Unfortunately it is on way too early for me to actually wake up and watch, but I'm still excited to see the highlights. Germany, my darkhorse to win the Cup, is one of the more poised, yet fun teams to watch. They attack the hell out of opposing defenses and are liable to go off for 4 goals against lackadaisical teams. Portugal is more known for having one of the best, if not the best, players in the world. Ronaldo has been an early story in Brazil this year due to a knee injury and some footage of him struggling to walk in practice. By all accounts, the Portuguese Pusspounder should be fine for this game, but if that knee flairs up, it will dramatically swing things; not only for this game, but the entire group! Even with Ronaldo in, I think the Germans stay in control of this one the full 90 and win 2-1. Has anyone else noticed that taking the over in the World Cup is straight cash?

USA (P) vs Ghana (OVER 2) (WINNERx2)

USA! USA! USA! Hulk Hogan! America! EAGLES! OBESITY! That's right, America is coming into Brazil to wreck shit! German Klinsmann is going to bring his hatred of inferior races to a full peak as our boys take on Ghana in what is sure to be the greatest game in World Cup history. I predict that Clint Dempsey scores AT LEAST 4 goals on these assholes and maybe even picks up a yellow card. He's the real Captain America and after tomorrow, Landon Donovan will be a forgotten man. We're the underdogs, we have no shot and we don't take kindly to other folks! This all points to a fat win for the States and I hope all you commie assholes are ready for some Burgers and Freedom Fries after this one is said and done!

Sugar's Picks

Iran vs Nigeria (-105) (L)

This is what some people might call a “low information pick”.  My knowledge of these two squads is limited to say the least.  However, everything I’m coming across on google on these two clubs says the same thing: this match is Nigeria’s to lose.  As for Iran, obviously no team goes to the World Cup expecting to lose but there’s no doubt Iran is outmatched; even by a team like Nigeria. 

1^st HALF LINE

Iran vs Nigeria (+160) (L)

I think Nigeria’s athleticism will be the difference maker and allow them to dominate early on and take an early 1-0 lead.

PROP LINES

TOTAL CARDS (YELLOW = 1)(RED = 2)

OVER/UNDER 4.5: UNDER (-165)  (WINNER!)

I expect a clean game for the most part.  There will surely be an abundance of embellishment going on, as with any soccer game these days, but I don’t think things get out of hand.

Total Nigerian Goals

OVER/UNDER 1.5: OVER (+165) (L)

I’m looking for a 2-0 or 2-1 win; regardless, I expect 2 goals from the Nigerians.

Which team will win first Corner Kick?

IRAN (-125) (L)

I reached a decision on this pick by flipping a quarter in the air and calling tails as Iran (heads as Nigeria).