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NFL Over/Unders

The Return of Bobby Catz!!! That's right ladies and gentlemen the Catz is back on the prowl. After an extended summer vacation that saw the Catz trying to find shelter from the vicious haboobs and monsoons that are rampant in the Arizona desert, I am back with some NFL over/under predictions that will change your life. Alright maybe that last line was the C4 talking, but seriously these are all safe bets. **READER NOTE** The first draft of this article was about to be submitted, when my computer decided it wasn’t good enough and deleted the entire thing, not to be dramatic, but it was the single best thing I have ever written and I will never be able to reach that level of writing again, so I apologize that you have to read this shitty version, but here it is!

Jacksonville under 5 (-135)
Initially when I started writing this article I invited the opinion of fellow writer and ½ of the greatest FIFA 14 Co-Op  teams of all time, BJones (challengers welcome, XBONE Bulgy Satsuma11) who almost had me convinced to take the over. He brought up all of these great points about Gus Bradley, and how he was basically recreating the Seahawks in northern Florida even bringing over some of the same players who had enormous contributions! And you know what?? I was close, real close to actually changing my opinion and agreeing with him, until I remembered one undisputable fact, we were talking about the Jacksonville Jaguars. The same Jags who have had the opportunity to bring in 
Tim Tebow for several years and boost their ticket sales/interest level/ and overall talent to highs that were previously unknown to these parts. The man is a legend in Florida, and they instantly would have received more coverage than all of their previous years combined!! And what did they do? They trotted out the powerhouse duo of Blaine Gabbert and Chad Henne and ended up drafting in the top five both years. I am not saying that Tebow would have made them playoff contenders (though he did it for the Broncos), but at least their fans would have a good time.  And yes I know what you are thinking; well you can’t think they are going to suck this year because of these past mistakes!! Gus Bradley!! Well look a little closer, they lost their only two offensive talents from last season MJD (free agency), and Justin Blackmon (suspended indefinitely, most likely the season) and if you think their QB’s had a tough time running an offense with MJD, imagine what kind of pressure they are looking at when defenses do not have to worry about anyone?? Throw in a disastrous offensive line, and Mr. Roboto/Captain Check down Chad Henne and you have yourself a recipe for a 0-16/1-15 type season. Sure they might have a solid D, but how the fuck are they going to score against professional defenses? Take the under and watch this team get blown out of at least 14 of 16 games. 

NY Jets over 7 (-135) 

Alright, this one might be just a tad bit biased, but they won 8 games last season with an offense that featured exactly one skill player that would start with other teams in the league (Chris Ivory)!! So this off season they went out and actually made some improvements to that side of the ball, and no they didn’t sign the guys from the Greatest Show on Turf, but they did make some drastic improvements at  all of the skill positions. Couple that with the fact that you know Rex brings the D, especially if it involves his wife’s feet (don’t fine me Coach Belicheck!!). Seriously though, love him or hate him, you know Rex is gonna bring the D. That combined with an offense that should be at least middle of the pack this year and you have a recipe for winning football. The Jets will be in most of the games they play this year, and if they can get Geno Smith (or Mike Vick) to limit his turnovers, they could easily win 10-11 games and snag a playoff spot in a tough conference. Do I think they are going to make a Super Bowl run? No, but this is a tough team that other teams will not want to play in December as they have a (short) history of confusing the fuck out of elite level QB’s like Manning, Brady, and Rivers.

Arizona over 7.5 (-150)
This lock is the least lockiest of all the locks on this lock list. Carson Palmer has been old for at least five years, and is literally one snap away from taking a Matt Schaub plunge into irrelevancy. But you know what really helps an old QB look young again? Playing with Larry Fitzgerald, Andre Ellington, and Michael Floyd, a revamped offensive line and a defense full of studs! Seriously even Blaine Gabbert would look competent on this team, alright that’s a stretch, but Palmer should be able to fend off old man time for at least one more season. It definitely does not help that they play in the hardest division in the NFL, but they should be able to get some wins against non-conference opponents and hopefully steal a few from the 49ers or Hawks as they finish 9-7 or 10-6. Oh, and I haven’t even mentioned the huge chip they are going to have on their shoulder after finished the season last year 10-6 and missing the playoffs!! All of those factors should combine to lead AZ to ten wins and hopefully a playoff berth this time around, but do not be surprised if they win ten again and still miss the playoffs as the NFC is brutal and their division is already sending two reps guaranteed.

Texans under 7.5 (+120)
Once again this under comes down to whether or not I think the Texans will be able to get it down on offense. Sure they weren’t nearly as bad as their 2-14 record would indicate, but nobody could have expected the collapse of Matt Schaub to that extent over those last fourteen weeks. I think they will rebound this year for sure, but this is still a six or seven win team at best.  Their defense is going to be great and will put the offense in plenty of favorable situations, but a pissed off Andre Johnson, a

declining Arian Foster, and no QB whatsoever will lead to a lot of head scratching by the Texan  coaching staff as they prepare their draft boards for next season’s top ten pick. Also if they were smart they would pull an NBA type tank job and try to secure a top pick in what should be the deepest QB draft in years. I don’t think they will do that because the NFL doesn’t operate that way, but I won’t be surprised if secretly the owner is wishing that it happens so he can pair QB guru Bill O’Brien with a top QB, a scary defense and a potential dynasty in waiting.

Buffalo under 6.5 (+125)
LOL Buffalo. Why would you trade your first round pick to go up and get a guy when you should only make that type of move when you think you are just one player away from a Super Bowl??? I mean seriously Buffalo; does Watkins push you over the edge? He is probably gonna be good, maybe even great, but it is really gonna suck when EJ Manuel goes out for the season sometime in week 6 and all of sudden you are running CJ Spiller run/pass options in a desperate attempt to get the ball in Watkins hands!! Seriously though thanks Bills, as a Jets fan we always appreciate knowing that we can balance those inevitable Patriots losses with a couple of wins over a team that always seems to be on rise, but is never quite there. Also they are installing an entirely new coaching staff and scheme, which will definitely lead to growing pains and hiccups early on. They might get hot late, but by then it will be week 14 and they will be in last place in the AFC east as they watch their top five pick go to someone else!!!