NFL HOF Game

NFL Pre-Season Week 1

Toronto Buffalo Bills vs New York Football Giants

Wow it's finally here! The first NFL season with Dirty Picks guiding you like a metro-sexual wingman in a night club. We can't explain how excited we are now that we can go back to making picks, writing offensive articles and entertaining ourselves. At some point this summer, we decided that baseball will never be interesting enough to fully devote time and effort into developing analysis and arguments. Are we taking the least meaningful football game possible (besides the Pro Bowl) and treating it like the Super Bowl? Abso-fuckin-lutely. Because if I have to see another slow roller to second base as a "highlight" on ESPN, I may just stick my genitals on a block of dry ice. Here is our winning pick for the NFL's 2014 Hall of Fame Game:

NY Giants (+3) (UNDER 34) (WINNER!x2)

First off, the public is running wild with the Bills -3 and the over. Second, let's just take a look at these two teams. I don't care how many Super Bowls the Giants have won over the last decade, Eli Manning is not a good QB, and the Giants are a boring ass team to watch. I don't know how the fuck they've been moderately successful with their corpse of a coach Tommy Coughlin roaming the sidelines like a fucking zombie, but we have to give them some respect. Especially when they're playing the Buffalo

Bills. Now don't get me wrong, I LIKE the Bills! They have EJ Manuel at the helm, a QB who analyst like to describe as "athletic" and "not a pocket passer" for some reason (get used to black QB jokes on this site) and young talent like CJ Spiller and Kiko Alonso. But they're also the Buffalo Bills. They have all sorts of groups trying to buy the team, move the team do go God knows what else and as the Sacramento Kings and Seattle Sonics have shown: an ownership group in disarray mean the team is probably fucked. 

Let's not forget about this fun little situation  with the Buffalo "Jills" (come on with that name...) earlier this year. I mean, that cheerleader problem could really hurt the chemistry of the franchise! Next thing you know, we'll find out that the people who make all the jerseys are woefully underpaid and living/working in horrible conditions!!! 

You add all that up and this Giants line is looking pretty good. Now, let's look at the actual game for some inane reason. We won't be seeing a lot of first team action, but you can bet that Tommy C is pushing his 5th stringers to play like champions. He is legitimately trying to find a running back that can sprint 6 yards without fumbling, so expect a solid effort from the G Men in the rushing attack. These preseason games can really be a shit show when it comes to offense, especially when you have the poor man's version of EJ Manuel trying to run an offense. Oh and remember, these guys don't have all the audibles and sophisticated hot routes the real starters have had in place for the last few years. They basically have to go out and run their shit, hoping they don't get severely concussed. Meanwhile the defense is running around just trying to contain everything and strip the ball so that players you've never heard of like LaRoderickson "Money Ballz" Demarsasmith from North Memphis Tech can make the team. 

So there it is. The Giants are more talented and Tom Coughlin would actually be disappointed to lose. Meanwhile the offenses will be drier than old TC's nutsack, so we can't expect a lot of offense. Big win for the DP team and the world as we move on from baseball into the football season.