NFL Gambling Rules/Week 1 Lines

3 rules to follow when betting NFL Lines!!

Rule Number One: Always go with the Super Bowl team opening up at home!

This week’s example: GB at SEA (-6)
I know what you’re thinking, but what about last year when Peyton shredded the defending champs to the tune of seven touchdowns in the opener?? Well, you fuckin idiot, that game was in Denver for some weird reason, and Baltimore wasn’t your typical Super Bowl champs. Seattle had one of the most impressive regular season/playoff runs in recent memory, and three minutes in to the Super Bowl you knew they deserved to be called champs. This Thursday, they get a very talented Green Bay team at home and you know that place will be full of raucous, blacked out hipsters with their croc shoes and marijuana fueled rage at full throttle! Expect this game to be very similar to last year’s Super Bowl as Seattle jumps all over Rodgers in the first twenty minutes and never allows him to get comfortable until its way too late. 

Rule Number Two: Always go with a Rex Ryan defense against a rookie QB.

This week’s example: NYJ (-5.5) vs. OAK
Seriously can you imagine the pressure on Derek Carr this weekend? Not only does he get his first start in an effort to prove that not all Carr’s suck at quarterbacking, but he was also anointed as the Raiders franchise QB this week by beating out Matt “pick-six” Schaub. And how does he get to prove himself? Oh, only by traveling cross country to face a coach who gives HOF QB’s fits, and treats rookie QB’s like the piles of flaming shit that they are. I don’t have the exact numbers on the rookies against Rex, but it can’t be pretty. (EDITOR'S NOTE: On average, rookies see their QBR drop about 7 points vs the Jets/Rex.)  Two years ago they fucked up Andrew Luck with an exotic coverage scheme that saw the Jets drop at least fifteen DB’s into coverage (at least) and forced Luck into a pair of game changing picks. Don’t expect Rex to take it easy on this guy, knowing that especially over the next few weeks, wins are going to be at a premium.

Rule Number Three: Always bet huge on the fishy line.

This week’s example: STL (-4) vs. MIN
You know when you meet that super-hot girl online and you guys make a date for you to come over with a pack of Smirnoff Ice’s, Magnum’s, and the board game Twister; only for you to walk in and Chris Hansen is standing there asking what you are doing here? You probably had that same feeling, like something isn’t right here. Well that’s how I feel when I look at lines sometimes, and this week specifically this line. STL just lost Bradford for the year, and are starting perpetual journeyman Shaun Hill against the AP All Day Vikings!! So why are they favored?? ON THE ROAD??? See it makes no sense, which is exactly why you should bet the house on STL. Vegas isn’t full of ridiculous Hotels and over-priced escorts (though well worth it, thanks again LaShaniqua) because they like giving away free money. These dudes who set these lines know exactly what they are doing. They want people to back AP and then watch as the Vikings get shredded by Hill for 350 yards through the air. Well there’s no way I let you get the best of me this time Vegas!! I’m on to your tricks, and like the Rams to win huge.