Champions League of Legends

PSG (-1) vs. APOEL

While Zlatan is still out for PSG in this one, luckily they get to square off against an acronym that I thought was associated more with oil than playing soccer. Turns out for the first time ever, I was wrong. Plus PSG just beat Barcelona last time out and are currently leading the group!! They won't let this opportunity slip away, look for a huge push in the first forty minutes as they go up to 2-0 and then play keep away for the last 50 minutes and hang on for the win.

AS ROMA ( +320) vs. BAYERN MUNICH

OH SHIT!!!! This is a deep pull right here that I can feel in my nether regions (maybe I should have that checked). Roma came into this tournament as everyone's sleeper pick and haven't quite lived up to the hype. Meanwhile Bayern has been nothing short of dominate this entire tournament, and Neuer hasn't even allowed a goal yet. So even after all of that, why the hell would I pick Roma not only to cover, but to straight up win?? Because this is the Super Bowl for Roma, sure they are only halfway through group play and can definitely turn things around in the next three matches, but wouldn't this be a great start?? With this win and a couple of draws they could sneak in and see themselves playing in the round of sixteen. This is basically the little giants playing the 'boys in the classic 90's movie of the same name. This time ROMA is the ICEBOX and Bayern is the annexation of Puerto Rico!! What the hell does that mean? No clue, but it allows us to use a football picture for a soccer article (layers of jokes people, keep up). ROMA WINS THIS GAME STRAIGHT THE FUCK UP AT 2-1 or 1-0.

BARCA vs. AJAX (+2.5)

Well after that suicidal bet I better go with something safe to fall back on for the third pick right? Fuck no. Barca has a habit of taking lesser teams lightly and while they will absolutely win this game. I will be very surprised if they cover the 2.5. More likely they are gonna get first half goals from Neymar and Messi and then spend the second half taking pictures and trying to find Neymar because he's banging cheerleaders (does soccer have cheerleaders?) in the locker room. Ajax does just enough to keep this one 2-0 or 3-1.