Top 10 Hands in the NHL
There are few things in this world more exciting than a well-executed dangle. Any player that played a year of high school hockey can go out and break a couple ankles in drop in, but very few have what it takes to dangle the best hockey players in the world. What makes one a good dangler you ask? Allow me to break it down for you. I’ve come up with an airtight ranking system composed of 5 sub categories, each rated on a 1-10 scale with 10 being highest:
Smoothness – Does the player look like they’re out in the yard chopping wood? Smoothness is the player’s ability (or inability) to seamlessly and effortlessly maneuver the puck. If dangling is art then smoothness is the steady brush stroke.
Quickness – Does time slow down for the player? Quickness is the speed of the hands. With poke checks coming from virtually every direction in the NHL, danglers must be able rapidly move the puck out of harm’s way.
Awareness – Are the dangles performed at the most opportune times? Nobody likes that guy that tries to go end to end every time they get the puck. There is a time and a place for dangling, especially in the NHL. Awareness is a player’s ability to use their skills at the moments when it is called for. If you’re the last guy back with the puck it’s probably not a good idea to try stickhandling through 3 guys.
Creativity – How often does the player make you say “holy shit”? Danglers are like comics, the best ones have original, never before seen, material. Creativity is a player’s ability to broaden the horizons of the hockey world when it comes to dirty dangles.
X-Factor – How does it all come together for the player? The best danglers have an intangible aspect to their style that makes them unique. You can list off all the traits that make them a great player but at the end of the day there is still some amount of “x-factor” that makes them one of the best. The X-Factor is a player’s ability to make big things happen when it is needed most.
#1
Pavel Datsyuk – Detroit Red Wings
Smoothness: 10 Quickness: 9 Awareness: 9 Creativity: 10 X-Factor: 10
TOTAL: 48/50
Datsyuk has established himself as the model for all dangler comparisons. He’s smooth, quick, incomparably creative, and he rarely gets caught dangling at the wrong time. His style and moves have made an impact on hockey at all levels of play.
#2
Sidney Crosby – Pittsburgh Penguins
Smoothness: 8 Quickness: 9 Awareness: 10 Creativity: 7 X-Factor: 10
TOTAL: 44/50
Sid the Kid has shown he can dangle with the best. His hands are fast and his timing is impeccable. He uses his dangling abilities to create scoring opportunities for everyone on the ice with him.
#3
Alex Ovechkin – Washington Capitals
Smoothness: 7 Quickness: 9 Awareness: 7 Creativity: 10 X-Factor: 10
TOTAL: 43/50
Ovi isn’t so much a smooth dangler but he sure can make guys look like they are standing still. His explosiveness and tenacity, compounded with his hand speed and world class shot, are a lethal scoring combination. Sometimes he tries to do too much on his own but you can’t argue a whole lot when he’s scoring 50 goals a season.
#4
Patrick Kane – Chicago Blackhawks
Smoothness: 7 Quickness: 10 Awareness: 7 Creativity: 9 X-Factor: 9
Patty Kane can make any NHL player look stupid. His hands are probably the quickest in the world. His ego sometimes gets in the way and shows itself when he attempts dangling around 3 guys when he has teammates wide open. Nevertheless, Kane is an elite dangler hands down.
#5
Evgeni Malkin – Pittsburgh Penguins
Smoothness: 8 Quickness: 7 Awareness: 8 Creativity: 9 X-Factor: 9
TOTAL: 41/50
Sometimes people forget that the Penguins have Malkin in their lineup because of the shadow cast by Crosby. Malkin is an elite Russian goal scorer with hands that can fool even the best defensemen. He’s a smooth handler with a lot of creativity and the rare ability to completely take over a game.
#6
TJ Oshie – Saint Louis Blues
Smoothness: 7 Quickness: 9 Awareness: 8 Creativity: 8 X-Factor: 8
TOTAL: 40/50
Oshie and Crosby are actually a lot alike when it comes to their dangle game. Both players have extremely fast hands and use their explosive lateral movement to gain space between them and defenders. Oshie is an elite goal scorer that can dangle with the best.
#7
Matt Duchene – Colorado Avalance
Smoothness: 8 Quickness: 8 Awareness: 8 Creativity: 8 X-Factor: 8
TOTAL: 40/50
The youngest of the Top 10, Duchene’s dangling abilities are far beyond his years. He has the ability to change a game by himself with his speed, hands, and scoring touch. He is already one of the best scorers in the league and is only going to get better.
#8
Ryan Getzlaf – Anaheim Ducks
Smoothness: 7 Quickness: 8 Awareness: 9 Creativity: 7 X-Factor: 9
TOTAL: 40/50
Getzlaf is a freak. He’s 6’4” tall and can handle the puck like he’s 5’9”. His reach is insane, his toughness is unparalleled, and his balance is off the charts. He is nearly impossible to take the puck away from. The quickness at which he can move his large frame have allowed him to become one of the best scorers and danglers in the game today.
#9
Marion Hossa – Chicago Blackhawks
Smoothness: 8 Quickness: 8 Awareness: 6 Creativity: 9 X-Factor: 8
TOTAL: 39/50
Even in his older years Hossa can still break some ankles. In his prime, Hossa took over games with his speed, size, and hands. He doesn't have the ability to take over a game anymore but his hands are still world class nonetheless.
#10
Joe Thorton – San Jose Sharks
Smoothness: 7 Quickness: 7 Awareness: 8 Creativity: 8 X-Factor: 7
TOTAL: 37/50
Joe Thorton is basically an older Ryan Getzlaf. He’s huge yet possesses great balance and agility. He is a bit older now but he’s still got it. He has a great combination of toughness and smoothness. He can dangle with the best of them.
Honorable Mentions:
Nickolas Backstrom, Patrick Marleau, Paul Stastny, Sam Gagner, Taylor Hall, John Tavares, Daniel Briere, Patrick Sharp, RJ Umberger, Eric Staal, Rick Nash, Martin St. Louis, Claude Giroux, Alex Hemsky and David Krejci
Yep, you read that right; If you aren’t feelin’ yourself today then this pick has nothing for you. I know you’re wondering, “why is this asshole taking the Pens on the spread?” Well, the Blue Shirts haven’t really shown shit this entire series. They snuck out a win in game 1 and followed that up by getting shut out for 2 straight playoff games. The Pens blew them the fuck out last game in MSG. As much as I hate admitting it, Pittsburgh is getting scary at.. well.. a scary time. Their goaltender (Fleury) has silenced the fuck out of his critics. The Penguins are looking to cruise on to the Eastern Conference Finals and wait for whoever is left standing after the bloodbath between Montreal and Boston unfolds. Peace out NYC. 
