Throwback Thursday Picks

Bases with Sugar

ALDS

DETROIT TIGERS vs BALTIMORE OREOS

Before I dive into the nitty gritty of this series let’s get something straight: Miguel Cabrera signed a deal worth $292 MILLION this year. He absolutely, positively, beyond any fucking doubt, cares about the money.  This bullshit about him saying he doesn’t want his playoff bonus because he just wants a ring, it’s just that, bullshit. OH THANKS MIGGY!!! Thanks for taking a pay cut AT THE END OF THE SEASON when it couldn’t matter any less. If you’re all about “putting a ring on it” Miggy, why didn’t you NOT sign the biggest contract in the history of baseball and tell the Tigers’ brass to go get another super star? Ohhh that’s right, because you do care about the money.  If anything, Miggy doesn’t want the playoff bonus because he’s having a hard time counting the money he has coming in already. 

Series Pick: Detroit -145

The Tigers are in the midst of a 4 year long quest to achieve World Series glory.  Truthfully, it’s been longer than that.  2006 the Tigers made it to the World Series only to have champion status take out from under them.  However, this squad, this core group has been a force in the MLB for the last 4 years.  They reached the World Series in 2012 only to get out matched by San Francisco.  They’re sick of sitting in the dugout watching the other guy’s pop bottles and celebrate.  I’m not ready to claim that Detroit will win it all this year, but I am ready to say they will wipe out the Baltimore Oreo’s before they even realize what’s happening.

GAME 1:

DETROIT (-114) @ BALTIMORE

First things first, Scherzer is on the mound for the Tigers.  Honestly, just that is enough to get my bet. If gambling is all about playing the odds, then the odds heavily favor the Tigers tonight.  Scherzer is a beast on the mound with playoff experience.  On top of that let’s see if the big guy, Miggy, can show everyone why he “just wants a ring”.

Kansas City Royals vs Los Angeles Angels

Series Pick: Kansas City +160

Yep. That’s right. No typo here. I’m picking the Wild Card winning Kansas City Royals to knock out the best team in baseball.  I know you’re sitting there sayin’: whattttttttt you’re crazy.  I think something happened against Oakland 2 nights ago.  Everyone watched as a beaten Kansas City team mounted one of the most captivating comebacks in the modern era.  They’re a team on a mission and I’m putting my money on them in this one.  LA is solid though.  I think if KC is going to win it will go 5 games.

Game 1:

Kansas City (+165) @ Los Angeles   

Kansas City needs game 1 badly if they want a chance in this series.  They will look to ride the emotion into this one and continue to roll after their extra innings win the other night. They’ve had their backs to the wall for about a month now.  They’ve been in a playoff mindset for much longer than the Angels.  LA coasted through the end of the year with absolutely no worry what so ever about missing playoffs.  KC has the edge in the mental game because of that I think but it won’t last long. Which is what makes game 1 vital for KC.

At the end of the day, a baseball pick is about as trustworthy as Vladimir Putin.  A playoff baseball pick is even worse.  Take these with a grain of salt.  I’ll leave you with a direct quote from the man who changed the game of baseball:

“My shit doesn’t work in the playoffs.  My job is to get us to the playoffs.  What happens after that is fucking luck.” – Billy Beane

REAL SPORT

Well friends, we've reached that point of the year. The WORST part of the sports year. Yes, worse than that weird point after the NBA playoffs where we only have baseball and tennis on, dying for a D2 college football game to come on. Anyways. Now, the MLB playoffs are in full swing (you know this because you read Sugar's extremely biased pick) and all these fucking, douche nugget, non athletic white guy baseball fans are coming out of the wood work. I swear to God, if I see another "ONLY IN BASEBALL" or "YA DON'T GET THIS ANYWHERE ELSE BUT BASEBALL" quote, I'll fucking explode on someone. You want sports moments that you can't replicate? Well, here's a fucking list:

• March Fucking Madness: Only in college basketball do we get to see this freak fest of upsets, close games and buzzer beaters from players that are there for 4 years or less in one month. So many different styles of play, David v Goliath battles and crazy momentum swings. If that doesn't require you to take a cold shower, then you might be a baseball fan.

• The World, Champion's or any European Fucking soccer Cup: The World Cup is a stretch here because it's more of a comparison to the Olympics. But even the smaller cups and qualifying rounds are way better than baseball! The festivities, fan loyalty and overall talent makes soccer way more fun than an October full of bullpen calls.

• The NBA Fucking Playoffs: The NBA playoffs run a similar format to baseball, but are somehow way more entertaining! At that point, all the shitty tanking teams have been weeded out and you're getting 1 or 2 great games each night. There is always that one action packed, fun series that takes the cake and makes the playoffs worthwhile. 

• The NHL Fucking Playoffs: Have you seen the NHL playoffs?! Most underrated playoffs in sports! Just find a nice cold bar somewhere up north and you're in for 3 periods of badass fights, snipes, and dudes that have the Shards of Narsil strapped to their feet! When baseball people give me the "Throw a baseball player in any other sport and he'll compete," I always ask them to grab a baseball player and throw him on skates with a bunch of pads and a stick. Go play some hockey. See what happens. 

• The Fucking Masters: Have you ever watched the Masters? It always comes down to the last 3 holes with some random dude in the mix with a savvy legend and a rising star. It's great! Someone always melts down, sinks an insane putt/chip or has a mental meltdown and goes all PeeWee herman on the course! Amazing atmosphere for an amazing event. 

• The Fucking SUPER BOWL:  Seriously. I'm not getting into this. The Super Bowl is the best. Oh and I'm going to lump the College football Bowl Season in here too. 

Only thing better than playoff baseball is the playoffs in every other sport
— Sam Connolly (@SamC_40) October 2, 2014

So now that we have once again made the case that most things > baseball, let's move on to tonight's pick. Oh BY THE WAY, I can almost guarantee that tonight's NFL game gets better ratings than both these baseball games. So while you're about to fall asleep during our National Pastime's playoffs (ONLY IN BASEBALL GUYS!), remember that there is a regular season, shitty, sloppy, blowout going on in the NFL that you are wining money on. 

Minnesota Vikings at Green Bay Packers (-8.5) OVER 48

Vikings rookie QB and 1950s blues guitarist Teddy Bridgewater will be out today, which means the Vikes are down to their third string QB; the man they call Christian Ponder. Now I always felt that C-Pon could do a couple things to at least keep you in the game, but tonight he's going to get rocked. Clay Matthews is looking at a 5 sack game, while A-Aron Rodgers throws for 400 and gives Sam Ponder the easy eyes as he does the DX suck it sign. Easy money.