NBA Playoff Wednesday

Brooklyn (+8.5) vs. Atlanta

Originally I saw this line and I thought, no-brainer right? Then Nutz got in my ear bringing up all this noise about how this line smelled like a Vegas strip club. Then all of a sudden I started second guessing myself! Was Vegas being coy here? Are they hoping people jump on the points? Or are they going the other way and paying respect to a team that only lost 15 games during the regular season?? I guess this is why casinos continue to stay in bidness...I know where I stand though, team getting points against the series favorites who haven't looked the part the entire series. Milsap is hurt, Thabo's absence is more detrimental than anticipated and Jeff Teague is trying to shed that Kyle Lowry label of "I swear I'm actually good and I didn't have just one good half of a season." 

Portland (+6) at Memphis

Catz is so pissed that I'm rolling PDX here, but hey, some times you gotta take risks in the workplace. Portland has had a miserable series. Damian Lillard has struggled, LaMarcus Aldridge's mind might be on his next free agent stop and Wes Matthews is not suiting up any time soon. Portland has a very good team, let's not water down what they have done this year. Hell, if they had been slightly healthy they could be a 2 or 3 seed right now. Out of respect we are taking the 6 points, not only because that's the official DP NBA strategy, but because you don't give good teams 6 points. Lillard should be able to make an impact again tonight as Mike Conley sits, and I think LaMarcus is a true pro who won't give up on his team.  People hammered Memphis early so I think it has shifted far enough over that we're in Blazers cover territory.

NBA Round One Winners

Brooklyn Nets (+9) at Atlanta Hawks

I think you all know our position on the Nets around here. They are the most boring story in the NBA, no one on their team is good and their owner literally does not care about the franchise. Tonight I am prepared to roll the Nets and nine points because of the mounting injury issues with the Hawks. Al Horford has a dislocated pinky, Thabo Sefolosha was shot by racist police and Paul Millsap's shoulder is super fucked up. This spells disaster for the feel-good story Hawks as Joe Johnson and D-Will come through with their only good game of the series before getting stomped out for the rest of the series.

Portland Trail Blazers at Memphis Grizzlies (-6)

Sadly the Blazers have completely fallen off the map. The injury to Wes Matthews and mounting, nagging injuries to the rest of the squad has seen the Blazers lose 7 of their last 10. These aren't just regular ass losses, no, no, they are beat downs. 14 point loss to the Grizzlies, 6 point loss to Dallas, 11 point loss to OKC, 10 point loss to Brooklyn and so on. We typically don't roll the faves here, but fuck it.

San Antonio Spurs (+2) at Los Angeles Clippers
Well this is it for the Spurs. They aren't a major story line, they are the so called "favorites" in this series and haven't really had a memorable moment all year. My concern with the Spurs is that they are so injured! Parker can't get to the rim, Splitter isn't playing and Danny Green looks like a guy that should be playing for CSK Moscow! The Spurs are the defending champs, so let's roll with them.

Thursday NBA Locks

Well it's Thursday. The one obstacle between you and that sweet, sweet $9 strawberry daiquri at Applebee's on Friday night. Let's face it, Mondays suck, but Thursdays are just boring. Well today, we can at least try to make the last part of Thursday speed up by investing heavily in some NBA locks!

San Antonio Spurs at Chicago Bulls (+6) (O 198.5)

This morning on ESPN Radio, the topic "Is Thibs on the hot seat?!" came up and I nearly crashed the shit out of my car. No, Thibs is not and will not be on the "hot seat" seeing as he is the second best coach in the NBA. The Bulls are in the running for the 2 seed out East, and have one of the deepest rosters in the NBA. They have struggled for all of a week, so let's not lose out shit just yet. I don't believe that D Rose will return to MVP form, nor do I think he makes it 60 games this year. What I do know is that he is still a dynamic point guard that scares opposing defenses. The problem is, between Rose and Noah's injuries, the lack of continuity and familiarity has really shown this year for the Bulls. Not to mention, Joakim has to play a ton of power forward this year now that Pau Gasol is playing center. These adjustments have landed the Bulls once vaunted defense squarely in the middle of the pack defensively. Is this an issue? Nope! Chi Town might not have the D they once had (heh), but that lack of D (heh) can easily be made up for by their much improved offense. With Rose playing most games, Jimmy Butler turning into Luol Deng 2.0 and Noah/Pau/Taj down low, the Bulls can get buckets with everyone in the league. Until they make that adjustment, you have to bet against them. Noah is out with an ankle injury tonight, so expect Timmy Duncan to punish Pau and lil' Taj while Rose is forced to take jumper after jumper (Tip: he can't shoot jumpers). The Spurs should kill tonight, so take the over as well.

Utah Jazz (+8) at Milwaukee Bucks (Over 185)

This might be the worst pick of the day. Both these teams are pretty bad, and neither can score efficiently. I'm basically hoping that Enes Kanter goes off on the Bucks, and maybe Gordon Hayward scores 25. The Jazz run at the second highest pace in the NBA (that was shocking to me), but they are just terrible at scoring! It's like they get the ball down the court and take terrible shots immediately. The Bucks don't play a particularly fast pace, but they do have young dudes that can rebound and take off with the ball, so by virtue of pace and youth, I'm taking the over. The Jazz should be able to keep it close seeing as they actually have some experience, but damn, this is a bad pick.

Boston Celtics @ Portland Trail Blazers (-8)

This is a tough call because PDX almost got smoked by the Suns last night. Bledsoe went OFF as did Isaiah Thomas. Aldridge may be out for Blaze City, but I still like them at home. The Celtics really aren't a threat to any team in the West, so I think Dame, Batum and Matthews kill it tonight and keep their insane home record intact. 

Monday NBA Winners

Monday NBA Bobnanza!!!

The NCAA tournament is on hold until Thursday and after losing a heartbreaking teaser last night because the Cavs decided to become the 2002 Red Wings in the second half of the Knicks game, we bring out an over/under Bobnanza for all you degenerates out there!!

CHI at IND over 179!! (L)
These teams are not known for their points, really what I am banking on here is a close game between two teams sthat are very familiar with each other. It might even end up tied at the end of the fourth quarter, which would mean overtime! Worst case scenario this ends up tied after 4 at 68-68 and still ends up under after OT. Hopefully we get a little Paul George scoring barrage and a solid start to the Bobnanza!

SA at PHI over 211 (L)
The Spurs are one of the best offensive teams in the game and the Sixers like to push the motherfuckin tempo like they were a DJ at a techno rave! Look for buckets on top of buckets mixed in with some buckets, as the Spurs win this one hopefully at a 115-102 clip.

POR at MIA over 208 (L)
This one could be bad because of the words of wisdom from fellow writer Sugar, "I'm a bitch". Well you know who isn't a bitch? Lebron James, and LeKing will beat the fuck out of you when he is mad. Fortunately for Portland, D Wade will be sitting out this game meaning they should be able to score some points against the Heat. Look for a track meet to break out in this basketball game as both teams put up points and play very little defense.


Suns at Hawks over 213 (L)
The Suns coming off a huge weekend need another game to stay close to the Grizzlies in the race for the playoffs. Both of these teams can put up points in a hurry and neither of them are known as defensive stoppers. Expect a lot of three point stink bombs and possibly a forty five point explosion from Gerald "dunk nasty" Green. Securing another over for the Bobnanza.

Alright four overs for the NBA Monday Bobnanza, hopefully we get a lot of buckets and very little defense tonight!

BJ's BIG WINNER BONUS (BBW BONUS!)

Houston at Charlotte (OVER 205.5) (L)

I wanted to roll with the cats here, but since Bobby Catz decided to go all o/u then I should too! The Catz are an ok defensive team, and a very basic offensive squad. No worries, the Rockets hate playing defense. I expect the Rocks to score at least 107 and for there to be a lot of free throws. High scoring games all day! 

Wendesday NBA Picks

The Return of Bobby Catz!

You know what they say when it comes to gambling, you never quit in a hot streak. Well giving advice when it comes to sports spreads is the same idea. After nailing two bets that didn't make any rational sense last night (HOU at OKC under 217, MIL +14.5) we have another one tonight.

SAC at PHI (+9.5) (L)
If you are the Sixers right now, the thought of finishing out the season without winning another game has to be terrifying. Looking at the schedule from here on out, tonight's home game against the Kings might be their last hope. The Kings are carried by Boogie Cousins and as you know one man can't carry a successful franchise (I'm looking at you fellow writers of DirtiestPicks). Will the Sixers be able to score enough points to score the upset against the Kings? Probably not, but they should be able to keep this one close enough to cover the spread and earn a respectable five point loss.

BK at MIA (-9) (L)
You know when you are walking along at the park and all of a sudden you hear a buzzing sound in your ear and instinctually swat at it? Then all of a sudden it's like a swarm of death is upon you because you just pissed off a wasp? Well tonight Lebron James is that wasp; but instead of a tiny flying insect you have a 6'8 260 lbs grown man that can run like a gazelle and dunk on your face. Lebron hates the Nets, especially KG and Pierce and they have already got the best of him twice this season. Look for a very motivated Lebron to come out gunning tonight and for him to own this game from the tip until the final buzzer. Do not be surprised if   this game ends in a 25 point blowout Heat win.

DAL (-4.5) at UTAH (WINNER!)
Dallas had a rough no show against the Warriors last night, putting their race for the west playoffs in serious jeopardy. Lucky for them the Jazz are not the Warriors. Look for a very motivated Dallas team to come out firing on all cylinders as Dirk Nasty goes for 37 points on an incredibly efficient 12-15 shots.

There we are 3 picks that are solid locks. Even if I go 0-3 that will still be better than fellow writer Sugar's worst night in hockey gambling history last night (0-4).

BJ's Hipster Douche Pick of the Day

POR (+8) @ SA (L)
This is a tough spot for the Hipsters. They're in the midst of a tough road swing and just got beat up by Z-Bo and the fellas lat night in Memphis. The public loves the Spurs tonight, and for good reason. San Antonio. IS. ROLLIN. They are on a 7 game win streak and destroyed Chicago for 3 quarters last night. With both teams coming off grueling, physical games, expect this one to end up close in the end. Let's not forget, the Blazers play the Spurs close, or win, when these teams meet. The Blazers have covered 3 of their last 4 meetings and won twice. The two losses were by 1 and 2 points. Enjoy this one! It could be a playoff preview. 

NBA Picks

Washington (-12) @ Philadelphia (WINNER!)
The Wizards have been playing great basketball as of late and with two days rest after a grueling game in Toronto the Wiz will be taking their talents to Philly. Now in the heat of the playoff race, need to secure wins against teams that are "Getting Darker for Parker" whatever that means. The Wiz can still catch the Bulls and Raps for the third seed and John Wall along with Bradley Beal, should come out to put this one away early. Easy double digit win for Washington.

Denver Nuggets @ Portland Trailblazers (UNDER 214) (WINNER!)

DAMIAN LILLARD THROWIN UP DOUBLE LOOSE BUTTHOLES

These teams played last week and are somehow more injury ravaged than before. Wesley Matthews is banged up, Ty Lawson is out, Wilson Chandler is out and I'm pretty sure the Blazers have no big men. The bottom line is, there's going to be a lot of Kenneth Faried for the Denver Mutineers Nuggets who clearly hate their coach. Dame Lillard and the hobbled Blazers will cruise to victory at home, but it's going to be sloppy offensively.