NBA Round One Winners

Brooklyn Nets (+9) at Atlanta Hawks

I think you all know our position on the Nets around here. They are the most boring story in the NBA, no one on their team is good and their owner literally does not care about the franchise. Tonight I am prepared to roll the Nets and nine points because of the mounting injury issues with the Hawks. Al Horford has a dislocated pinky, Thabo Sefolosha was shot by racist police and Paul Millsap's shoulder is super fucked up. This spells disaster for the feel-good story Hawks as Joe Johnson and D-Will come through with their only good game of the series before getting stomped out for the rest of the series.

Portland Trail Blazers at Memphis Grizzlies (-6)

Sadly the Blazers have completely fallen off the map. The injury to Wes Matthews and mounting, nagging injuries to the rest of the squad has seen the Blazers lose 7 of their last 10. These aren't just regular ass losses, no, no, they are beat downs. 14 point loss to the Grizzlies, 6 point loss to Dallas, 11 point loss to OKC, 10 point loss to Brooklyn and so on. We typically don't roll the faves here, but fuck it.

San Antonio Spurs (+2) at Los Angeles Clippers
Well this is it for the Spurs. They aren't a major story line, they are the so called "favorites" in this series and haven't really had a memorable moment all year. My concern with the Spurs is that they are so injured! Parker can't get to the rim, Splitter isn't playing and Danny Green looks like a guy that should be playing for CSK Moscow! The Spurs are the defending champs, so let's roll with them.

NBA Round 2 Winners

When Catz and I rolled these picks out this morning, we realized that we picked two teams down 0-2 against two teams that were in the finals last year. Bad Choice. So instead, we're bringing back the old Dirty Picks Tongue Tornado Teaser!!! That's right, 4 picks, all teased to make you spend money on a horrible bet that won't net you a ton of money! It's one of those "How can this go wrong?! It can't!" moments here at Dirty Picks and I hope you decide to roll it and suffer as these games all take terrible turns for the worst. 

SA at POR (+11.5) (OVER 199) (L) (WINNER!)
You know what they say, when you are on top you can afford to take a couple of chances. That's why the Seahawks can take players in the draft that no one has ever heard of, that become legitimate NFL players. Success increases your ability to take risks. I think this is the last hurrah for the Blazers, this is a terrible matchup for them and the Spurs have been wrecking their shit hole in these first two games. But tonight I think the Blazers feed off the energy of the undoubtedly stoned fan base and pull of the miracle win, only to lose the next two after this. It's been fun though Portland! Also both teams can score, 199 is way too low not to go over.


MIA at BK (+12) (OVER 178) (WINNERx2!)
Well there's not much to say here. I am in no way, shape or form going to all of a sudden pick against the Nets as they head home with their assholes against the wall! These teams payed 4 very close games this regular season, 3 of which were decided by 2 points or less and one which went into OT. I expect the Nets to use their Russian Magic to come up with a win tonight, but I'm too scared to take the money line. Are the Heat really going to win 8 playoff games in a row?! Is that what we're saying!? Well, that's not exactly a crazy feat seeing as they have gone 5-1 or better through their first 6 playoff games since the Heatles came together. Come on, roll with me on this one and watch as Paul Pierce does some crazy shit he shouldn't still be able to do. Oh and Deron Williams, you are quickly turning into Roy Hibbert: Point Guard Edition. Stop being so fat and fucking worthless that a guy that almost had his leg amputated has to play all your minutes! You were once compared to Chris Paul and one of the 8 most valuable players in the NBA! Get your shit together before KG starts eyeballing your wife, and at this point you should let him! Maybe it will inject some life into his decrepit body or at least make him realize he needs to retire mid-series! When Alan Anderson is more productive than you, it's time to hang it up Kevin Garnett. Now that I've said all that, make sure you take the Heat and the over, as someone may go off tonight.