Wednesday NBA Picks

CHI +3.5 @ BOS

Though the Bulls are in the middle of a meltdown, I see no reason why the Celtics should be favored here. Sure IT is going off as of late and the Celtics have seemingly gelled over the last week, but they're still a very average team. The Bulls ongoing identity crisis coupled with whatever Fred Hoiberg is doing has definitely slowed them down, but this is still a top 3 team in the East talent wise. Tonight Jimmy Butler will put the team on his back a la Greg Jennings and give the Bulls a much needed W. 

MIA (EVEN) @ CHA

Well Al Jefferson has finally been caught. After somehow losing about 200lbs yet remaining at a D cup, Big Al has been popped for something PED/drug related. The Hornets have certainly carved out some sort of identity, but this is not the setback you want right as one of the Conferwnce's too teams rolls into town. With Luol Deng possibly returning to the lineup, the Heat will have too much firepower for then Hornets and pick up an easy W to keep pressure on the Cavs.

HOU +4 @ WAS

I know people feel burned by the Rockets, but you can't honestly believe this team will remain out of the playoff picture out West. Head Coach JB Bickerstaff made the move that Kevin McHale should have and benched Ty Lawson in favor of Patrick Beverly. Turns out what worked for the Rockets LAST  YEAR still works!!! I know this league, especially in the West, is about improving but come on Houston! Stick to the formula! Anyways, the Wiz still haven't figured out that they need to fire their coach. Add to that a banged up John Wall vs Patrick Beverly (who is known to accidentally injure other point guards) and you've got an easy win for the Rocks!

MEM +4 @ DET

We love Detroit here at Dirty Picks, but they are getting too much respect as of late. The Pistons have been wildly inconsistent (Reggie Jackson...) and may just need another piece to stabilize things. Memphis has been better lately and the Conley/Gasol duo is really starting to click. Memphis all day. 

ORL +4.5 at PHX

I had to write the picks today because Catz has been getting ready to go the Suns' game for the last 5 hours. When I told him I was going Magic, he shit all over my picks like he has just polished off the E. coli special at the local Chipotle! I can assure you loyal DPers that the Magic will be just fine tonight. Their perimeter defense is on point and with one of the Morris twins spreading locker room cancer feces all over Phoenix, Orlando has a good shot to win outright. 

NYK +3 @ UTA

The Catz daily special. He mentioned this morning that Utah hasn't looked impressive with Gobert out of the lineup and that means big things for King Kristaps. Look for the Latvian Lizard Lord to destroy the offensive boards tonight. Knicks cover. 

The Spread - NFL Week 3

NFL Week 3 Picks

5 favored picks in bold and locks noted by LOCK!

The Spread - Podcast

Our podcast is finally here! Check out the intro pod which features some Over/Under picks from Catz and we discuss some end of the NFL season awards. Thanks for listening!

More Olympic Hockey!

Sugar’s Olympic Picks – lets win that money back

Sweden (-2) vs Switzerland (L)

When you’ve got a guy named  Johnny Oduya (sound it out) on the blue line, you know things are looking solid. For real though, Sweden’s defense is arguably the best out of the national teams.  Niklas Kronwall and Erik Karlsson are the power of the Swedish defense as well as two of the best, if not THE best, defensemen in the NHL.  Sweden only has one player who is not a member of an NHL club.  Switzerland on the other hand has only 9 NHL players, 2 of which are goalies.  Out of the remaining 7, we’re looking at 2 who are regular contributors to their respective NHL clubs.  These 2 are: Damien Brunner of the Devils, a natural goal scorer with average skating ability; and Nino Niederreiter of the Wild, besides the fact that his name is fucking awesome he has good passing ability and is a great skater.  Sweden will undoubtedly expose each and every hole in this slice of Swiss.  Trust me, take Sweden (-2) and it’ll “Oduya” just fine.

Sugar’s Pick: Sweden (-2)

Canada (-4.5) vs Austria (WINNER!)

In their Olympic debut today Team Canada looked discombobulated to say the least.  With Mike “I’m a fuckin’ psycho” Babcock behind the bench, expect to see a different Canadian team tomorrow.  Austria has 3 NHL players. Two of which belong to the trash bin of the NHL known as the New York Islanders.  The only name you might recognize is forward Thomas Vanek (Islanders).  The bottom line here is that even if Team Canada drops acid and dances to Russian house music all night at Ovechkin’s Castle (because you know he has a castle somewhere in Russia) Canada  is still going to light Austria up for 8+ goals.  Take the Canucks (-4.5)  and let me know if you got any info on Ovi’s castle situation.

Sugar’s Pick: Canada (-4.5)   

Why NHL Player Count Matters

First off I would like to claim this statistic (if it hasn’t already been done) as my baby.  The NPC as I will be calling it from here on out, is a very straightforward statistic (none o’that algebraic nonsense here folks).  The NPC is a straight up count of how many NHL players a respective team has on their roster.  Why is this meaningful? Because the NHL is the fucking best; and if you need me to explain why this is important you need to find a new god damn hobby.  No this is not another “yeah ‘Murica all the way! We’re the fuckin’ best ever in the history of everything ever” line of nonsense.  Every serious hockey player in the world yearns for an NHL opportunity.  The NHL has scouts in every country that has hockey players and they are always looking for players good enough to play in “The Show”.  From a common sense standpoint; would you rather make $100,000 a year playing European professional hockey, or make a MINIMUM of $525,000 playing with the big boys in the NHL? In my picks I reference NPC a lot because these are the best players on earth. End of story.

NCAA Upset Friday!

Men's College Basketball

#2 Arizona @ Arizona St.

  Yesterday was rough and we apologize for sucking so much. As a matter of fact, we are sorry for all of our NCAA basketball picks recently! Just like Ronald Reagan, you have to have a short memory in this business. So forget all the other picks, forget your low balance and forget the reasons you said you would stop following our advice! 

  Today, we are taking the Arizona State Sun Devils (+5.5) and their spittin' fans over the #3 ranked Arizona Wildcats. We are at that time of the year where you have to throw out a shit ton of gambling logic. Things that should make sense will go the opposite way drastically as we get closer to the tournament. With ASU, we're sticking to a few core principles: Look for the home dog, fade the public and rivalry week = chaos. We've already seen weird shit happen this week, crazy covers (Cuse) and ball busting no shows (OK St.). So, ride with ASU. 

  They're a very capable team on offense, led by Jahii Carson. Of course the Sun Devils were completely blown out last time these two teams met, but that doesn't mean it's bound to happen again, at home, during rivalry week. Look for 7'2" center Jordan Bachynski to continue his impressive run (43 points, 24 rebounds, 16 blocks in his last two games!) and anchor the ASU defense against Aaron Gordon and the Cats. 

This is one of those games that will either be a complete blow out or come down to the last shot. Don't go crazy on it, but it's worth the risk.

Pick: Arizona St. (+5) (WINNER!)

Puck Picks: OLYMPIC STYLE!

Sugar’s “Share The Olympic Spirit” Puck Picks

United States (-1.5)  vs Slovakia (WINNER!)

After 4 years, the day has finally come boys and girls.  Patty Kane and the crew begin their quest to avenge the heart breaking, overtime, loss in Vancouver 4 years ago to that godforsaken ice patch north of us.  The road to American glory begins with Slovakia.  The Slovak’s scoring power starts and ends with NHL suitcase, Marian Hossa.  Other notable players are Detroit Red Wing’s: Tomas Tatar, Boston Bruin’s captain: Zdeno Chara, and Florida Panther’s forward: Tomas Kopecky. Nevertheless, the United States is loaded front to back with possible NHL HOF candidates. Lead by their captain, Zach Parise, the US is a force to be reckon with. You can count on Kane and Parise to lead the charge against Slovakia tomorrow morning in a dismembering of Slovakia. 

Sugar’s Pick: United States (-1.5) 

Canada vs Norway (OVER 6.5) (L)

What can one lonely hockey writer say to describe the strength of Team Canada? Not a whole lot my friends; not a whole lot.  Canada boasts a roster of five star NHL players at every single god damn position.  It’s like Vancouver all over again. That mother fucker, Sidney Crosby, will be wearing the “C” once again and you can be sure he will be sniping bar-down all day.  We are talking about a team that said Joe Thorton, Taylor Hall, Milan Lucic, and Tyle Seguin weren’t good enough. These Canadian bastards are going to walk into Sochi with their “eh’s” and their “a’boots” and act like they own the place. Long story short, Canada takes this game and the combined score will be 8+ goals.

Sugar’s Pick: OVER 6.5 

Thursday Streakers

Streak for the Cash

On Wednesday we went 2-2 as we continue to be mediocre at streaking. As the great European philosopher French Montana once said, "ain't worried about nothin." So we're back with more picks for dat ass.

First pick: Men's Hockey - Group A: Who will win this matchup? (WINNER!)
Choice 1: Slovakia

Choice 2: United States

USA! USA! USA! That's all we got! Seriously though, take the US, they are going to win.

Second pick: Luge (Team Relay): What will be the event result? (L)

Choice 1: Canada Gold, Silver or Bronze medal

Choice 2: Any other result

Do not bet against Canada in a nonviolent sport which is held on ice, snow or maple syrup. It will not end well. Take Canada and you'll be on a W2.

Third pick: PGA Northern Trust Open (Pacific Palisades, CA): Which player will card the lower front 9 score? (Holes 1-9) (W)

Choice 1: Keegan Bradley or tie

Choice 2: Jason Duffner

OR TIE! That is the key here, when these guys tie with horrible scores, you will thank us. Bradley ftw.

Fourth pick: Brooklyn Nets @ Chicago Bulls: Who will win this matchup? (WINNER!)

Choice 1: Brooklyn Nets

Choice 2: Chicago Bulls

The Bulls have found some sort of identity since losing Derek Rose and trading Luol Deng. They still play great defense and they still have the best coach in the league. Take them in this low scoring game, Boozer is back!

Fourth pick: NCB: What will be the GAME RESULT? 

Choice 1: San Diego wins or single digit loss

Choice 2: @ Saint Mary's win by double digits


Watch out for this barn burner! 2 WCC teams goin at it! Take San Diego, they might even win the way games are going this week! (L)

Thirsty Thursday NBA

With last night's 2 banger, we are now 10-2 on NBA picks. Pretty solid, but there's still time to add to that number before the All Star break.

Brooklyn Nets @ Chicago Bulls (OVER) 182.5 
This is by far my least favorite pick of the year. You can always depend on Chicago to play slow and beat the hell out of their opponent. Especially an opponent that plays at a slow pace. The Nets technically have guys that can score the basketball, and with Carlos Boozer probably returning, 183 seems a little too low, even for the Bulls and Senior Citizen Nets. Take this one, don't watch, and don't be mad at me if it's 35-36 at half. (L)

NBA 2k14 Simulation ROUND 2

  The last time we did a NBA 2K simulation, the game predicted a NY Knick win over the OKC Thunder, and a monster Raymond Felton game. Well, 2K, you were wrong about the spread and the o/u, but dammit did you nail that Felton prediction. So once again, we are going to simulate an NBA game and see what would happen if you bet according to the results! Tonight the Grizz and the Magic, two teams that you probably never watch! With this prediction, you won't have to.

Memphis Grizzlies @ Orlando Magic

 The Magic controlled the first half, taking a 53-43 lead into the break. Surprisingly, Orlando outrebounded the grit and grind Grizzlies 20-12. The Grizz were unable to grab one offensive board! What really separated the Magic in this half was their hot shooting, particularly from deep; they connected on 8-14 three pointers. Jameer Nelson led the way for Orlando, putting up 11 points and 5 assists. Nikola Vucevic went toe to toe with Marc Gasol, adding 6 points and 5 rebounds.

  For the Grizzlies, Nick Calathes continued his stellar play, opening the half with 11 points and 6 assists. Zach Randolph added 10 points and Marc Gasol finished with 8 points and 4 rebounds.

HALFTIME Orlando 53 - Memphis 43

The Magic came out on fire in the third quarter and extended their lead to 16 behind Tobias Harris' hot hand. The Grizz battled back as Zach Randolph scored 13 in the quarter and hit a buzzer beater to bring the game within 7. Gasol and Randolph finished the third quarter with 43 of their team's 69 points, but only 9 rebounds. Jameer Nelson had a rough quarter shooting, but continued to pass the ball well, penetrating and getting the ball out to open three point shooters.

In the fourth, the Grizz came barreling back and tied the game up with 3 minutes to go. The two teams traded buckets until the Magic finally forced a stop. Victor Oladipo answered with a 3 from the top of the key and Glen Davis hit his first shot of the game to put the Magic on top. From there it was all Orlando as they cruised to a 103-94 victory! 

Jameer Nelson was the player of the game finishing with 22 points, 12 assists and 3 rebounds. Vucevic controlled the paint for Orlando, finishing with 18 points on 8 for 8 shooting and 11 rebounds. Tobias Harris chipped in 22 and Oladipo had 13 off the bench. 

Z-Bo led the Grizz with 25, and Gasol finished with 23. The big men couldn't control the boards and finished with only 11 rebounds combined The real story of the game was the Memphis bench. The Grizz reserves could only muster 7 points and were dominated by the Orlando bench mob which put up 24. 

FINAL Orlando 103 -Memphis 94

Thoughts: This game sure does like chubby point guards as we are now 2/2 on PG MVPs. The three ball also seems to be heavily valued in this game as Orlando jacked up 23 and made 12 compared to Memphis 5-6. The simulation has the game going well over 179.5 and the Magic easily covering the 2 point spread. Will the 2k simulator let us down again, or have we unlocked the key to gambling?! Find out tonight!

Jurassic Park: Toronto

BJ's NBA Wednesday

We have been on a heater lately with our NBA picks. With an overall record of 8-2, I can only hope that I don't completely fuck this up tonight. With that being said, we have one NBA pick today as we focus more on College Hoops tonight.

Atlanta @ Toronto (-6) (WINNER!)

Just a few months ago, I thought it was over for Toronto. They smartly traded Rudy Gay to the dumbest team available and promptly started winning. The ball moves around the perimeter, they have solid athletes on the wing and tough, young big in Jonas Valenciunas. Atlanta, coming off a grind of a game versus Chicago, has finally started falling apart without Al Horford. Being bruised and broken by the Bulls and then traveling to Toronto to run and gun with the young Raps does not sound like my cup of tea. The only problem here is the Hawks are statistically better than the Raptors. They are more efficient on both ends of the court and, generally, take better shots. A lot of that data has to be thrown out, though, due to the Gay trade and Horford injury. Take Toronto tonight and hope Paul "Big Butter" Millsap takes the night off.

Bob's Basketbal Bonanza B-B-BONUS!!!

Cle (+8) at Det (WINNER!)

  Much like the city of Detroit, the hopes for this team are slim to none. Despite looking good over the last several weeks and the breath of fresh air the new coaching staff has instilled; the fun ends tonight. Giving anybody eight points against the Pistons is dangerous, unless they were playing the Bucks maybe. Couple that with the mini-resurgence of the cavaliers and you have yourself a game to win some money on. Anthony Bennett has actually looked like a number one pick in the last couple of games, and is destroying this reporters prediction that he would become the next Ndudi Ebi. Pistons probably still win this game by five, but they do not cover the spread!

Bob's Barely 18 Pickz!

NCAA Men's Basketball

Cuse (+2.5) at Pitt (WINNER!)
  The trendy pick in college basketball right now is to go with the home, underdog team against the obvious favorite (just ask my fellow writer Sugar). Conference games are always tough, especially when they come on the road. Tonight though, look for the youngest player on the court to carry Syracuse to a victory and buck the recent upset trend. Tyler Ennis doesn't get the hype that some of his fellow (overrated) freshmen class peers do. He might just end up being the best prospect coming out of this freshmen class not named Jabari Parker (see below). His game is very similar to fellow alum Michael Carter-Williams who is seeing a lot of success currently at the NBA. While Ennis may not have the crazy athleticism or physical size (6'2 180) of some of the other prospects, what he does have is game. He plays under control and contributes across the board (11 ppg, 3.4 reb and 5.5 assists). Of course it helps to have a seasoned scorer playing next to you on the wing in CJ Fair, but Ennis has been surprisingly good this year and don't be surprised if he ends up going in the top ten after the season. All that being said look for the young guns to stabilize Syracuse on the road against the upset minded Panthers and cover the (+2.5) spread.

Duke (-2.5) at North Carolina (Postponed)
The greatest rivalry in sports. No other rivalry even comes close; unless to want to argue Yankees/Red Sox, but seriously fuck baseball! Looking at North Carolina's record already this season explains why one might take them to get the upset. With wins coming over Michigan State (overrated), Louisville, and Kentucky; this NC team knows how to win big games especially at home. The difference tonight will be the play of Jabari "Utah Jazz Savior" Parker. Arguably the number one pick come this spring, depending on how the lottery shakes out, Jabari has been playing extremely well of late. Dropping 29-16 in his last game against Boston College, look for Jabari to continue his hot streak and bring his brand of Mormon salvation to the heathens of Chapel Hill. I will keep the Jabari pro prediction for another article, but expect him to come out firing and keep the upset minded Tarheels at bay with his best performance of the season. Blue Devils win by 7 and Jabari goes for 31 and 14.

Streak for the Cash

Staying Alive!

Yesterday: 2-1

Alright we were 2-1 yesterday! Not bad, but certainly not acceptable when it comes to this particular contest. Luckily our last pick of the night (Florida) was a winner. Here are our Streak for the Cash picks for February 12!

First pick: Men's Speed Skating (1000m): Who will win the gold medal? (L)

Choice 1: Shani Davis

Choice 2: Any other competitor 

This isn't a fair pick. Shani Davis versus the field should be a no brainer. God knows how many other competitors there will be and Davis just finished 24th in the 500. But he's known as Mr. 1000! He's won gold in Turin! He won gold in Vancouver! And God Dammit, he's an American that is going to take the Gold in Sochi! Take Shani Davis! Take America!

Second Pick: Men's Hockey - Group C: Who will win this matchup? (WINNER!)

Choice 1: Sweden 

Choice 2: Czech Republic

This pick will make up for the Shani Davis one. Take Sweden. Let's move on.

Third pick: English Premier League: What will be the match result? (WINNER!)

Choice 1: Manchester United Win or Draw

Choice 2: Arsenal Win

Always stick with your formula. Has Manchester United been struggling? Yes. Did they just lose or draw their last two games? Yes. Did they get destroyed by Chelsea who just let us down yesterday? OF COURSE! None of that matters because they have the draw on their side. Take Man U and watch Arsenal fall apart in this one!

Fourth pick: NCB (#1 Syracuse @ #25 Pittsburgh): Which PLAYER will SCORE MORE POINTS in the 1st Half? (L)

Choice 1: CJ Fair

Choice 2: Lamar Patterson

Both guys average around 17 ppg, but it's the Syracuse zone that should slow down Patterson tonight. Though he is solid from three, the perimeter quickness of Syracuse should make him penetrate to try and draw fouls where he shoots 79%. Meanwhile Fair puts up about 2 more shots per game and has put up big numbers against ranked teams. Let's just say this is a Fair-ly safe pick. Everybody take the CJ and enjoy it.

Fourth pick: NCB: Who will WIN this matchup? (Postponed)

Choice 1: Duke

Choice 2: North Carolina

This one is all on freshman bad ass Jabari Parker. Duke has been hot lately and nearly upset Syracuse the other night. Expect Parker and Rodney Hood to outmuscle the usual North Carolina "I'm kind of fat, but not really" post players and lead Duke to their third win in a row over NC. Take DUKE! 

Tuesday NBA Picks

Bob's Tuesday Garbage Picks

Heat (-3.5) at Suns

   Usually when you are wondering what team to bet on, you think about the stars. In this case, Lebron James, Dwayne Wade and Goran Dragic should swing the balance of this game right? Well that's more screwed up than Jamarcus Russell at a Three Six Mafia concert.

  Today we focus on one player who will impact this game outside of the usual suspects and give the Miami Heat a win and cover against the team which I hold season tickets to (what's up ladies: 360.515.1152): Gerald "dunk nasty" Green. 

  Coming off a very disappointing season in Indiana, he has rebounded quite well for the Suns this year.  Shooting a respectable 43% from the field and 37% from deep doesn't exactly awe you from a numbers standpoint but, he's also doing that while jacking up almost 8 three's a game. If he hits half of those threes a game, the suns can compete with anybody in the NBA. In addition he is an incredible dunker and his electrifying in traffic dunks hype up the crowd and the home fans to almost riot level mentalities. On the other hand the old Gerald has reared his ugly head at times this season. His passing hasn't improved since he entered the league (2005!!) and his career average of 2.0 assists shows his lack of playmaking. Couple that with mind numbingly dumb reach fouls and complete lack of understanding of game situations and you are left with a player that takes a lot more off the table than he brings. 

Tonight, I have Gerald getting frustrated by Dwayne Wade on the defensive end leading to him jacking unnecessary triples on offense and never finding a rhythm, leading to crucial turnovers in a game that will come down to a few possessions. Look for this game to be close throughout and for the heat to pull away in the final five minutes of the fourth to cover the 3.5 (WINNER!)

BJ's Dirty Pick's for Dirty Chicks

Atlanta vs Chicago (UNDER 186.5)

This game is worse than Andrew Wiggins' star potential. The best thing about it will be Kyle Korver keeping his streak alive with another three, followed by the Atlanta fans immediately leaving the arena. Why take the under? Atlanta is the type of team that will score big when playing a faster paced team like Miami or San Antonio. They also tend to clinch their buttcheeks when playing against defensive teams like Indiana or Memphis. Chicago on the other hand ONLY plays at their pace. In fact, I don't think they are capable of any scoring anomalies. Take the easy under and treat yourself to a nice Hungry Man Dinner. (WINNER!)

Tuesday Picks

Sugar’s Topless Tuesday Picks (to win that money back)

Men's College Basketball

Florida (-2) vs Tennessee

The trending belief among sports writers is that Florida is the best team in the nation.  Like Wiggins from behind the arc, Tennessee just isn’t good enough.  On January 25^th Florida dismantled Tennessee 67-41.  Expect tonight to be no different as Florida continues to be perfect in SEC play.

Sugar's Pick: Florida(-2) (WINNER!)

San Diego State University (-3.5)  vs Wyoming

I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is yes, Wyoming has a basketball team.  Tonight they take on SDSU.  The Aztecs have been near perfect this year with their only loss being to Arizona back in November.  They have wins over Creighton, Marquette, Washington, and Kansas.  Let’s be real here folks, a team that beat Kansas and Creighton is not about to have a close game with the likes of Wyoming.  You can count on the Aztecs winning by a solid 8+ points tonight.

Sugar's Pick: SDSU(-3.5)   (L)

Streak for The Cash

Streaky Streakers

Yesterday: 2-3

So our picks yesterday sucked more than Andrew Wiggins' jump shot. No worries, we're moving on and you are too! Here's Tuesday's picks:

First pick: Men's Cross-Country Skiing (Sprint Free Finals): Which country will the gold medal winner represent? (WINNER!)

Choice 1: Norway or Sweden

Choice 2: Any other country 

Are other countries even allowed to be in this event? Just take the two favorites like yesterday morning and you will be just fine.

Second pick: English Premier League: What will be the match result? (L)

Choice 1: Chelsea win by 2+ goals

Choice 2: West Bromwich win, draw or lose by 1

Streak is trying to trick you hear. They give you 3 options and you have no idea what a West Bromwich is, so you were probably going to take them! Wrong! Chelsea is ROLLIN right now. This will be an arse whoopin. Take Chelsea.

Third pick: NCB (#3 Florida @ Tennessee): Who will win this matchup? (WINNER)

Choice 1: Florida

Choice 2: Tennessee

This game might be closer than you'd think. Don't worry, Florida is awesome and they have 3 or 4 guys that can all score. This might be their year and a big win for all the streakers out there should wake up the rest of the nation. Take Florida and sweat this win out like Glen Davis in the Sahara.

And that's it! The rest of the games suck! If we feel like risking a little more and squeezing another pick in tomorrow, we will let you know. Until next time...

Sugar's Game Changer

Men's College Basketball

Iowa State (-1.5) vs West Virginia (L)

This is a done deal.  This pick has the potential to break Vegas.  ISU (-1.5) is 4-1 in their last 5 games;  with wins against Kansas State (ranked 22 at the time), Oklahoma (23 at the time), Oklahoma State (19 at the time), and TCU.  Their only loss was a road game to the Kansas Jayhawks (6 at the time).  ISU forward Melvin Ejim is coming off a 48 point performance against TCU.  Yeah, 48 fuckin’ points. Don’t waste your time looking for any of the pussies on West Virginia putting up those kinds of numbers, you can’t find em.  Clearly, Iowa State (-1.5) is a safe investment and will most likely win by 7+ points.

Ben’s Pick: Iowa State (-1.5) 

Quick Picks Sure to Make Your Monday Better than Your Sunday

Daily NBA Picks

SA at DET (+3) (WINNER!)

After the recent firing of Detroit Coach "Mo Money Mo Problems" Cheeks you might as well start referring to the pistons as Dirty Mike and the boys, because the rest of this season is going to look like an oil orgy in the back of a Prius. However, tonight against the Spurs, look for JSmoove to do JSmoove things and finish with 25 pts, 8 rebs, 5 steals, 3 blocks and at least four shots that make you say, "he isn't really gonna shoot tha....well there it goes." Enjoy the win off the Pistons tonight and then never bet on another team or person to do something successfully in the state of Michigan again. 

BOS(-1.5) at MIL (WINNER!)

The Rajon Rondo show has been picking up steam as of late, and tonight the hopeless Bucks get a little taste of the action. Right now the bucks have won just nine games and their top performer is arguably a white guy who sounds more like an insurance salesman than NBA superstar: Nate Wolters. Expect the celtics to cruise to an easy win.

2K14 Recap

Last night, we posted the results of our simulated NBA 2k14 game between the New York Knicks and OKC Thunder. The end product was a Raymond Felton MVP game and a win for the Knicks! We recommended taking the under (200.5) as well and now, we have the results!

2K14 mostly got the game wrong and resulted in millions of dollars lost. The Thunder easily disposed of the Knicks in a high scoring affair! We prefaced the post by saying we thought Kevin Durant would have a big game and recommending to lay the points as the Knicks can't even compete in the desolate shit hole that is the Eastern Conference.

BUT!!! Raymond Felton did indeed bring the noise with a 16 point, 7 assist, 7 rebound game! How NBA2k14 predicted this, I do not know. Over the next few weeks we are going to continue testing the basketball knowledge of 2K and hopefully never worrying about Raymond Felton going off again.

FINAL RESULT: LOSS

NBA 2K14 Simulation

That's right! I've given up on advanced stats and metrics, the eye test and doing that thing where I pull winning teams out of a hat. Today, we're going to try something different. We are going to put a bet down, based on a simulated game of NBA 2K14.

Why do this? Well, as a gambler, when you're down on your luck,  you need to try anything. Granted, last night we killed it and really don't need to resort to gimmicky gambling techniques. Besides, it's our blogs and your money, so fuck you!

Without further ado!

The New York Knicks @ The Oklahoma City Thunder

-9.5, 200.5

First things first, any time you can take a top 8 Western Conference team against any team from the East that doesn't have "Miami" or "Pacers" in their name, DO IT. I don't care what the spread is, just do it. My initial prediction would be to take the under and lay the points. I hate watching the Knicks play. If you bet against them, Earl Smith III is guaranteed to kill you with a meaningless, garbage time, bullshit 3 at the end of the game. If you take the Knicks, Sir Earl will definitely shoot 15 contested 20 ft jumpers, making somewhere around 12% of them. No worried. Kevin Durant is here to save the day. We know KD steps his game up when he's facing another superstar. Say what you want about Carmelo Anthony, the man can score the basketball. Look for Durant to continue his scoring tear and show everyone why he, not 'Melo, is the most unstoppable scorer in the game. Of course this means that Earl Smith III will want to show everyone that Earl Smith III is the most unstoppable scorer in the game, so expect a barrage of contested J's and a third quarter benching for the Knicks inked up, socialite. 

BUT NONE OF THAT MATTERS! This is an NBA 2K simulation, not a slightly thought out betting analysis! 

Let's go over the first half: The Knicks came out hot and opened up with a 13-3 run to start the game. It was none other than Earl Smith III knocking down 2-4 3PT shots in the first half to go along with literally nothing else! 'Melo chipped in with an efficient 8 points and  5 rebounds on 4-5 shooting while Raymond Felton led the way with 9 points, 6 assists, 5 Big Macs, 3 rebounds and a steal.

For the Thunder, Jeremy Lamb contributed a Smithian effort of 19 points on 15 shots in 16 minutes! Lamb was 5-12 from deep as the Thunder tried to take advantage of a lackadaisical Knicks defense. Reggie Jackson (despite letting Raymond Felton's fat ass put up LeBron numbers) had 15 points and 7 assists in the first half. Kevin Durant struggled form the field going 1-4 on his way to 5 points, but was able to get his teammates involved towards the end of the half, wracking up 5 assists. Somehow, even computer simulated Scott Brooks still finds a way to let Kendrick Perkins play basketball, well done 2K. The Knicks dominated with 22 points in the paint and 23 rebounds compared to 12 and 15, respectively, for the Thunder. 

HALFTIME

NYK 53-OKC 51

At the end of 3, it was NYK 76-OKC 72. Through a sheer combo of shooting tons of threes and OKC not giving the ball to Kevin Durant, the Knicks were able to get their swag meter completely filled, resulting in a 3 to end the quarter. Tim Hardaway Jr. and Earl may have switched brains at half. It was all Knicks in the fourth as Tyson Chandler scored 10 points on Computer Kendrick. With 1 minute left, KD hit a 3 to bring the game within 5, but 'Melo answered by driving and drawing a foul from Serge Ibaka. Down 7 with few options left, Reggie Jackson dribbled the ball off a screening Computer Kendrick to effectively end the game. 

RAYMOND FELTON ended the game as the MVP with 15 points, 14 assists and 4 rebounds!!! Earl, who just wanted to get the fuck out of OKC and back to the strip club, chipped in 16 points on 6-11 shooting. Tyson Chandler dominated the fourth quarter on his was to a 15-10 night and 'Melo finished with 23 points, 10 boards and 3 steals.

For the Thunder, Lamb finished with 23 points and was ineffective the whole second half. Reggie Jackson added 21 points and 12 assists, but will never live down the shame of letting Raymond Felton dominate him for 48 minutes. Durant got things going late, probably a little too late. He finished with 18 points, 6 assists, 5 rebounds and 2 steals. Thabo Sefolosha was the least valuable player, putting up 3 points on 6 shots, adding 2 rebounds and a turnover in 36 minutes. 

FINAL

NYK 102-OKC 93

According to 2K: Take the under (200.5) and the Knicks ML!

Check back for analysis after the real game!

Thinking Ahead

Whether you're a seasoned vet or just getting started in the downward spiral of the betting life, there's one sport that most casual bettors don't touch: golf. That's right, the ol' boys game. Now that the PGA season is in full swing, and we've had a few drinks, lets take a look at some golf futures. 

The Masters

The most prestigious of the four majors by far. You can win every PGA event on the planet but, if you don't have a nice green jacket from Augusta in your closet, what the fuck are you doing exactly? 

Being the unwavering Tiger fan that I am, let's look at Tiger's odds: 6/1. This is the year Tiger shows us just exactly how big his dick is.  Place your bets on Tiger and I assure you, you will see a nice 6/1 pay out.  

Our Dark Horse of The Masters this year is Vijay Singh (250/1). The Big Fijian has had a couple rough years.  He won The Masters 14 years ago in 2000 and is looking to make a come back.  Don't let his recent record fool you, this motherfucker can play some golf! Put $100 or $1000 or grow some balls and put your house on it and thank me in April. 

Total Majors in 2014 

Tiger (+175) for 1 Major win is a safe investment. This guy can play, we all know, and this season could be the year you make a killing off it.

Phil  "Lefty" Mickelson (+400) for 1 Major win is another great opportunity for you to rake in some dough.  Phil plays with a chip on his shoulder as he knows, and lets us know, that every time he wins, the State of California wins too when they collect the shit out of some taxes.  Nevertheless, Phil pushes on and is always good for a win every so often.  A Major is more than within his reach, it's his to lose. 

Matteo Manassero, the guy you've never heard of. (25/1) to win a Major in 2014. This guy can hit that ball like, well, you insert your own Chris Brown joke. Put the house or your car or even your extremely hot daughter on this guy and thank me later.