MONDAY'S EASTERN CONFERENCE PICK LOCKS!!!

IND +2.5 vs. MIA

I wonder if Miami fans care that their team went from perennial title contender to an underachieving non-playoff team with one superstar on the verge of retirement and the other dealing with unexpected medical ailments in back to back years? Do they care or do they just walk outside and say "Fuck it, I live in Miami!" I don't know, but what I do know is the Pacers are going to take care of business tonight and get this win while breaking a sweat.

TOR -3.5 vs. NYK

So the Knicks didn't trade Melo and probably won't make the playoffs this year right? So what exactly is their incentive to win a bunch of games after the all-star break? I can't find any reasons. Expect the losing to start tonight and two weeks from now when Melo starts sitting out games because of a back or foot to prevent serious injury, don't be surprised if the Knicks lose 18 out of 20 or something tragic like that.

BOS -4.5 vs. MIN

There are two types of NBA players during all-star weekend. There are the vets who use it as a time to rest and recharge the batteries for the post season run like LeBron James or Chris Paul. Then there are the young guns who come out trying to prove themselves and dominate every event they can get themselves entered in to. That includes the non-NBA sanctioned events such as binge drinking and groupie chasing. If you have watched LeBron these last two games he looks fresh and ready to go. On the other hand if you have watched the Wolves rookies, they look tired and worn out. Boston didn't have any all-stars, so their guys got to spend the entire week relaxing and getting ready for the second half of the season and it shows so far. Celtics will win this game easy against a young, tired Wolves team post all-star break.

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DEN +7.5 vs. WAS

Question of the day, what is going to break out of this cold slump first, the Wizards offense or the DC area?? Hey Yo!! Thanks folks, I'll be here all week. Seriously though you have to wonder if the recent winter storms pounding DC have affected the Wizards somehow. Maybe they are getting those super pumped up crowds in the building, because they have looked pretty pathetic in their last two games. Meanwhile the Nuggets are the super sneaky backdoor cover team of the week after a fantastic pull out last night that rivals any of mine from my college days. I wish this Nuggets team actually won games, but they are 7-3 ATS in their last ten, so its an easy points grab here.

NYK +10 vs. TOR

The TNT special of the night!! Hopefully Melo gets the go after sitting the last few games, which would make this points grab that much more palatable. Either way, in Porzingis we trust and that is exactly what this pick is based on. Toronto is a good team, but the Knicks have a few sneaky good defensive guys that can do enough on Lowry and Derozan to help them get this cover.

NOP vs. SAC -3

BOOGIE!!! The grown ass man-child known as DeMarcus Cousins has been on an absolute tear lately!! He is destroying front lines against everybody and will probably get to face a Pelicans team without Anthony Davis, because in a rare turn of events, the Brow is injured!! No way!! Anthony Davis got hurt?? Crazy. Davis better start putting in extra work in the gym to learn how to handle the rigors of an NBA season, because a few more injuries and he might be headed down the Greg Oden path of what-if he stayed healthy story lines. I would lay at least 6 point on this line, so three is perfectly acceptable.

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CHI +3.5 vs. BOS

Is Jimmy Butler playing in this game? Checking....checking...yep, he sure is. Meaning that this line might be the easiest cover in the history of sports! Expect this to be a defensive struggle as both teams try to get back to what made them successful early on in the season.

TOR -11 vs. MIA

This line makes absolutely no sense!! Sure, Miami has been in a little bit of a funk lately, but that doesn't mean an average Raptors team should be favored by 11 at home right?? That's exactly what Vegas wants you to think! That's right I figured you out Vegas, expect the wins to stack up from here out.

HOU -3 vs. MIL

Everything is finally right in Houston again!! This morning they traded for a key piece from last year's WCF team that they never should have let walk in the first place. J Smoove returns to Houston!! Probably not tonight, but his impending acquisition should energize the Rockets to a convincing victory against the Bucks tonight.

Dirty Picks: Playoff Edition

Golden State Warriors vs. New Orleans Pelicans

Catz: Not sure why all of the talking heads think  that the Pelicans can steal one or even two of these games. I get "the brow" is a ridiculous NBA player, but look at the guards that Nawlins trots out there....marquee names that strike fear into an opponent like Tyreke, Norris Cole, or Eric Gordon. There's a good chance NOP doesn't even get a lead in this series let alone a win.

Nutz: I'm not going to be a dick like Catz and insult a team that just made it to the Western Conference playoffs with a young squad. But I am going to predict an absolute ass whoopin, the likes of hasn't been seen since Stone Cold Steve Austin wore the strap! The Dubs have incredible ball movement, a smart coach and an amazing backcourt. I also have a slight grudge against the 'Cans as they cost me a seafood buffet dinner by hitting the over this season. 

Consensus: Warriors in 4.

Houston Rockets vs Dallas Mavericks

Catz: We went back and forth on this in the DP office, originally I was interested in picking HOU in 6 until Nutz brought up a few solid points and Sugar shocked the office with his Surgalski scoop that Dirk is going to shoot jumpers this series!! That's the kind of dynamite reporting we have around these parts. Because of all that info I was forced to reconsider my pick and I did....Rockets in 6.

Nutz:  Shit are we at IHOP?! CAUSE WE'VE BEEN WAFFLIN ON THIS PICK ALL DAY!!!!!!! Nothin? Ok, well I'm going Rockets here as well. The Rocks have dominated this matchup all year, mostly due to their perimeter domination. The Mavs, touting a guard lineup of Monta Ellis and The Man We Used To Call Rajon Rondo, won't have any success trying to guard James Harden and whoever else is out there. I was a little worried because Dirk lives for the playoffs and Rondo always saves his best performances for the the post season. Not to mention Rick Carlisle....shit....whatever, ROLL IT! Rockets in 6!

Consensus: Rockets in 6

Los Angeles Clippers vs. San Antonio Spurs

Catz: CATZ'S SUPER UPSET OF THE FIRST ROUND!! Not really an upset if you are one of those traditional seeding kind of guys, but we all know who is the favorite in this series. This is the Clippers championship right here, and they are going to put every ounce of effort in to winning this series. They might even lose the next series after this depending on who they play, but Blake, CP3 and DeAndre will score the upset against the defending champs!! Clippers in 7!!!

Nutz: I am going to give this one to the Spurs based on two things: I HATE the Clippers! Blake Griffin has become so whiny and bitchy that it's hard to watch him at this point. Pair that with super tough, bad ass supreme Matt Barnes (terrible basketball player) and you have a very unlikeable team. Second reason: They're the Spurs. You have to trust Pop, Duncan, Parker and to an extent, Manu. Just trust em. 

Catz: Clips in 7. Nutz: Spurs in 7.

Portland Trail Blazers vs Memphis Grizzlies

Catz: Terrible matchup here for the Blazers. Maybe they would have a chance at winning a game or two if they were fully healthy, but they aren't so break out the brooms. Grindhouse is going to take care of business and the Blazers in relatively quick fashion. GRIZZ IN 4.

Nutz: This sucks! The Blazers busted their asses all season to get a top 3 seed, only for Aldridge to get hurt for an extended period of time and to lose Wes Matthews for the year. This team has done well to patch things up over the last few weeks, but they clearly miss Matthews. The Grizz are too much of a defensive juggernaut to survive a full series against the grind house. 

Catz: Memphis in 4. Nutz: Grizz in 6

Atlanta Hawks vs Brooklyn Nets

Catz: This could honestly be the most one sided playoff series in recent history. The Hawks could literally start their second string and still end up sweeping this series. I hate the Nets. Garbage team owned by a guy who doesn't give a fuck (not you Hov EDITOR'S NOTE: "Hov" is no longer part of ownership. Catz apparently does not know this) and a couple of "stars" who didn't even care enough to respond when a former teammate basically called them pussies in the media. You think Lebron would respond if someone questioned his professionalism? Yeah that's not a great look D-Will, have fun in Shanghai next year. Hawks in 2.5...minutes that it takes to realize how lopsided this one is.

Nutz:  The Nets will probably somehow win a game in this series, but we all know they aren't going anywhere. Deron Williams is just terrible and Joe Johnson should be playing for the Pelicans right now. I seriously hate this franchise. They're boring as fuck, their unis suck and their arena and fans suck. If they didn't have Lionel Hollins there would be no reason for them to exist as a franchise. 

Consensus: Hawks in 4

Cleveland Cavaliers vs Boston Celtics

Catz: This is the worst possible matchup for the Celtics. They can't defend anyone from driving to the rim and the Cavs have two of the three best players at doing just that. Really the only positive that could come out of this series is if Brad Stevens is able to have a secret lunch with Kevin Love where he can pitch him wearing green next season. Enjoy the Lebron hates Boston show everybody. 

Cleveland in 4. 

Nutz: Am I the only one that thinks it's weird that Boston is in the playoffs?! I feel completely unprepared for this series! I have no clue who plays on this team (that's not true) but I definitely know that the Celtics will not win a game in this series. Brad Stevens is a good coach, but LeBron doesn't fuck around in the first round and Kevin Love needs to prove his worth for whatever team he hops to this summer! 

Consensus: Cavs in 4.

Toronto Raptors vs Washington Wizards

Catz: If this series featured the two teams that we watched back in December, my enthusiasm for these games would be much greater. Unfortunately for both Rapes and Wizards fans, these are not those teams. Injuries have basically destroyed the season for both teams, but it seems like the Raptors are taking the injury plague exceptionally hard. Meanwhile the Wizards have a very talented team that would be light years better if they had even a semi-competent coach at the helm. With all of that being said, I like the Raptors to win this series purely because their coach sucks a little bit less than the Wizards coach. Wiz in a sloppy 6.

Nutz: I have no idea how this one is going to go! These teams are the exact same! This is just "Default Eastern Conference Playoff series." I am going to roll with the Raptors! They have home court advantage, and a hellacious one at that. The Raps are a solid enough team to win this series in 6. 

Catz: Wiz in 6. Nutz: Raps in 6.

Milwaukee Bucks vs Chicago Bulls

Catz: When I first checked out this series I wanted to make the case for Milwaukee because of their depth, coaching and GIANNIS!!! Then I really buckled down and thought to myself "the fucks going on here, I can't bet on Milwaukee to beat Chicago!!" That pretty much settled it for me. Milwaukee is a good story and should be a fun team to watch over the next couple of years, but this is a veteran-laden, well coached, tough Chicago team. J Kidd is about to get a rough teaching lesson from Thibs because it's Thibs and that's what he does. Chicago in 5. 

Nutz: Much like Catz I wanted to roll the Bucks because it's fun! But Thibs doesn't care for fun. He only cares about running his players into the damn ground until they can't go anymore! That's the formula for a dominant first round and a second round sweep ladies and gentleman!

Consensus: Chicago in 5

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Tuesday Tongue Tornado Picks

Working weekends is a bitch. You know what the best part is though? Tuesday! Tuesday means my weekend is just around the corner and every little thing that drives you crazy at work you can deal with because the weekend is only a few hours away. Coworkers want to engage you in mindless banter about their kids? Id love to hear it! You know why? Because it's Tuesday! Hopefully everyone that reads this blog knows that I cannot pick over/unders and went against all four of my picks winning a nice little chunk of change for retirement yesterday.

Raptors (-179) against the Cavs (L)
The other day against the Knicks, the Cavs were down huge at half and it appeared New York might do the unthinkable and throw themselves into the playoff conversation in the east! Until the second half started and the Cavs had one of the all time great shooting halves for a team as Jarrett Jack dropped 31 in the comeback win. Ladies and gentlemen your 2013-14 Knicks! Well the Raptors are not the Knicks; they are a solid defensive team, they pass the ball well and even take shots when they are open (what a concept!!). Look for rape city to come out and put away a shitty Cavs team as they pick this one up on the road.

LAL (+7) at NY (WINNER!)
The Knicks!! Yes I'm aware that the Lakers are not very good and are more injured than Detroit forward Pavel Datysuk (pussy). However I think that the Lake Show has more pride than the Knicks and know that Phil Jackson will be in the building tonight to see what he could have had instead. Think of this game as the revenge of the ex as the Lakers show up, play hard for 48 minutes and possibly even sneak out a win against the shitty Knicks. By the way as a lifelong Knicks fan, fuck the Knicks, this has been the worst season ever.

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Tuesday Tickler Picks

Toronto at Atlanta (UNDER 200) (L)
The Raptors have been good to me this year, always covering when I pick them. The Hawks were in that same realm, especially when they were missing Paul Millsap. Back in those days, you could count on ATL to get stomped out by any half decent team. But now that the big body Cadillac forward is back, the Hawks have clearly put shit together as they fight to keep their 8th seed in the East. With both these teams playing relatively well, I'm going to stay away from picking a side. Instead, this one will remain relatively low scoring as the Hawks control the tempo. There's a chance that Kyle Lowry doesn't play due to flu like symptoms and Lou Williams may be out as well. If those two sit, grab a nice PBR and enjoy the rest of your day, because this bitch is going under.

Washington (-1.5) at Sacramento (L)
I'm going to go ahead and make a poor decision here by going with the Wiz. Washington is the better team, no doubt there, but they also have something to play for. They're about 2-3 games back from the three seed in the East, which could be the difference between playing a Chicago, Miami or Toronto, or playing Atlanta, Charlotte or Brooklyn (who I still think sucks). Sacramento, on the other hand, isn't going to roll over, but they will have the Boogie Cousins' and Rudy Gays of the world trying to get their own numbers. Look for the Wiz to barely cover as they go up against a SacTown team that could probably snag the 7th seed in the East.

MIA (-10) at Cleveland (L)
It's always a good time when Lebron returns to Cleveland for a reunion with his old team. The Cavs always seem to bring everything they have andtonight shouldn't be any exception. The only problem is they just lost Kyrie Irving for the season a few nights ago and Anthony Bennett has been out for an extended period of time. Plus the Heat haven't been at top form lately and a game against an injured Cleveland squad should be exactly what the doctor ordered. Look for Lebron to have a classic Lebron game of 55 points, 32 rebounds, and 15 assists as the Heat roll in the mistake by the lake.

ORL at GS (-13) (WINNER!)
Another favorite with a huge spread to cover, but I expect nothing less from the Warriors at home. This one should be very uncompetitive, but I'm thinking that the Warriors drill 18 threes and this one is over early in 115-78 rout. The Magic are on a west road trip and don't be surprised if they lose every game this week.

NBA Picks

One of the worst things in the world is being sick, even worse than that is being sick at work and not having any sick time to call in (damn Obamacare). In honor of this predicament I'm going to make a couple of picks that reflect my mood, that's right over/unders!!

PHO at Toronto (OVER 204.5) (WINNER!)
The Suns are in a Bolivian cock fighting death match for the eighth seed in the West playoffs. Unlucky for them they are going up against a very solid Rapetors team that is hard to defeat anywhere let alone on a Sunday morning road game in Toronto. The only sure thing about this game is that it will be sloppy and little to no defense will be played. Look for a high scoring affair that sees the Rapetors put a huge dent in the Suns playoff hopes.

Catz at MIL (UNDER 197.5) (WINNER!)
The Bobcats are great on defense and have been very solid against the spread recently. On the other hand Milwaukee is in full blown tank mode and are starting to pull those unusual moves that are indicative of a tanking team (OJ Mayo two straight DNP's-Coaches decision). Look for this game to be a slow grind it out post up marathon featuring a lot of Big Al Jefferson putting on a low post clinic. This one should be slow, boring and well under a total of 197.

BOS at NO (UNDER 195) (L)
Boston had a hard time getting to 80 points in four quarters last night and that was against the Suns who aren't known for their defense. While New Orleans isn't exactly the 2002 Red Wings they do have Anthony Davis who is an absolute monster and only 20 years old!! Look for AD to swat away every shot the Celtics put up in the paint and for this one to be a defensive struggle throughout. Don't be surprised if this game ends in one of the lowest scoring games of the entire season.

UTA at SA (OVER 200.5) (WINNER!)
Vegas really wants you to look at that Utah +15 and jump all over it. Two bigs, a solid back court and future Spurs All-Star Gordon Hayward? How can you not take those points?! Don't do it. San Antonio is once again showing why they will be somewhere near the Finals this year as Tony Parker penetrate the leagues best defenses like they are Brent Barry's wife. Count on the Spurs to score at least 110, and the Jazz might keep it within 10.

BJ's Sunday Treat

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Golden St. @ Toronto (OVER 202) (PUSH)

No secrets or special formulas to figure this one out. Both these teams can score and are anchored by great scoring backcourts. The Raptors will slow down the Warriors a little, but this game should go over. Look for the shooting guards, Thompson and DeRoazan to score at least 28 apiece in another game we should all be watching. 

BJ's Package Deal!

I missed the Golden State cover horribly last night, so it's only fair that I throw a couple picks at you today to get the stink off. Feel free to make this a parlay or whatever you kids do these days, it's a hot one.

(NBA) Washington Wizards @ Toronto Raptors (OVER 197.5) (WINNER!)
This one is going against most logic. The Raps have not been bad defensively as of late, while putting right around 100 ppg at home. The Wizards have certainly come on as well as the backcourt duo of John Wall and Bradley Beal continues to make its mark on the NBA. The combination of Wall, Beal, DeRoazan and Lowry on the court should push this game over. Nene will be out for the Wiz, which shoul open up a few more lanes for DeRoazan and Terrence Ross, while putting more pressure on Wall to score. The Wizards have not beat the Raptors all season and might wind up covering this one! Don't worry about that, just take the over and enjoy a rare, fun Eastern Conference game.

(NHL) Tampa Bay Lightning (+1.5) @ Nashville Predators (WINNER!)

Our local hockey Analyst, Mr. Sugar, has been MIA for some reason. Probably because he is 1-2 in the last two day, no worries Sugar, I will fill in for you. Tonight I'm throwing the Lightning down as my first NHL pick of the year. Thanks to the Olympic break, Tampa has had some time to recover from injuries and will be getting Steven "The Franchise" Stamkos back within a week or two. Look for Tampa (11th in goals for and against) to keep this one close and hell, maybe even win outright! Throw them in a parlay and enjoy your night.

Friday NBA Picks

Having suffered my second day in a row of subpar picks, I've decided to try a few new methods. First, I will no longer be selecting winners from college basketball. I can't handle putting my gambling reputation on 18-21 (27 if you are BYU) year olds that shit their pants every time they go on the road in conference and shoot free throws like Andris Biedrins. Second, I will also sacrifice three birds and two goats to Chtulhu daily in hopes that he removes this gambling curse that has taken me over. So, in summation just like TLC I don't want no scrubs, and I'm going to stick to the rivers and lakes that I'm used to.


CLE (+8.5) vs Toronto (WINNER!)

Both of these teams have had success as of late. The Raptors have been surging since they traded the worst teammate in pro sports, Rudy Gay. Similarly, the Cavs have been exceptionally better since they cut the second worst teammate in pro sports, Andrew Bynum. With all that said I don't understand how the line is so high in favor of the raptors, even with Dion Waiters being out for the Cavs I think ultimately that might help rather than hurt. Look for big nights from Kyrie and Tristan Thompson as the Cavs cover and possibly even win. Seriously who would be a worse teammate than the two guys above? Gilbert Arenas? Saddam Hussein? Naw, it's definitely Bynum or Gay.

NY (-3) at ORL (L)
The Magic appear to be in full blown tank mode. Just last night they bought out their starting power forward Glen "tossing monitors" Davis making him a free agent. Don't be surprised if they sit Afflalo or Oladipo for extended periods of time for what seem like minor injuries. On the other side, the Knicks are fighting for their playoff lives and have looked better since the break. Tim Hardaway Jr is doing what JR Smith did last year, and Melo is always doing Melo things. Look for the Knicks to take advantage of a weaker opponent and cruise to victory in this one.

BJ's NBA Pick of the Day

Denver @ Chicago (UNDER 190) (L)

Our last Chicago under pick went over by 3 points, mostly because Los Bulls started off the first quarter with a bang. Again, besides Memphis maybe, no team is better at making you play their style of game. A poorly coached, injured Denver team will not be lighting it up against Thibs and the Boys tonight. Worry about Chicago putting up big numbers if anything.